hey it's good to be back home again

[somanyadjectives]

[It's been a while since Stefan has been back in Mystic Falls, but he wasn't going to miss the twins graduation. He knew that coming home was going to be complicated. He was bringing his girlfriend to meet people. He was bracing himself for Damon's judgement about him dating a vampire slayer the entire ride from the airport.

What he hadn't expected, was getting ambushed at a gas station while filling up his car by a hunter.

According to Damon, there haven't been hunters in Mystic Falls in years. They knew that the school would be a beacon, but they also took precautions for that to protect the kids. Most hunters understood that they were trying to reduce deaths, rather than concentrate them. This isn't to say that Mystic Falls is perfect, but they're doing better than they used to.

Stefan doesn't kill him. He's caught off guard enough that he doesn't immediately go for the kill, and Buffy catches the hunter off guard enough that the guy decides to retreat and regroup rather than push his luck against a slayer and a vampire. This isn't, unfortunately, before he manages to plug Stefan with a few wooden bullets. And those hurt like a mother.]

Gotta love coming home.

[He groans as he sinks back against the car, trying to keep an eye on their surroundings, before glancing down at the bleeding holes in his shirt.]

I liked this shirt.

Comments

[unforgivably]

The Winchester brothers.

( Elena is older. They're all older. They're wiser. They're friends. And it doesn't remotely twinge a little bit? Brothers. )

And Elena is going to play the part of Katherine. Did she bring her portable curling iron before she watched a Youtube tutorial in being a heartless bitch?

[somanyadjectives]

[Stefan shrugs.]

All I got was a text asking me to get Katherine to play along. I didn't ask for too many details beyond that, but I think she can do a decent Katherine if she puts her mind to it.

[unforgivably]

I'm not saying she can't. I have all the trust that she'll pull Katherine off.

( But, he still gets to feel like she's running in half-cocked with two brothers they don't know. )

After this is all over, we're meeting these Winchesters.

[somanyadjectives]

Oh, definitely.

[Stefan is in agreement with that too.]

She considers them trustworthy but ... this is also Elena we're talking about.

[He loves her, but she's willing to work with people she probably shouldn't seventy percent of the time.]

[unforgivably]

She may have graduated from everything bad ever. Now, it's everything bad some of the time.

( Less so, but still a lousy track record. )

Did she tell you how she knows them? And why don't we know them? We know everybody Elena knows. That matters.

[somanyadjectives]

She said something about it being from before we got back to Mystic Falls. Friends of her dad. We didn't really have a lot of time to swap details.

[unforgivably]

That far back. Grayson Gilbert would pal around with hunters. Anything else I should know or is that every crazy thing?

[somanyadjectives]

That's everything I know. I'm sure there will be more crazy things when she gets back.

[There's a beat, then Stefan looks up.]

Though Katherine did call them harbingers of the Apocalypse?

[unforgivably]

She called them what now? And they're with Elena?

( Oh HELL NO.

RING RING RING, ELENA )

[somanyadjectives]

[And he gets sent to voicemail. God, Damon, don't you know she's undercover.]

This is Katherine. It's hard to tell when she's serious or when she's over-exaggerating.

[unforgivably]

( WITH HARBINGERS OF AN APOCALYPSE. )

This is several steps past over-exaggerating. This is hyperbole to the Nth degree.

( So fuck it. Calling Katherine now, who is asleep in the car but it buzzes in the cradle next to Damian. )

[gambled_ourmistakes]

[And just in case its an emergency for this bad situation they're coming into, he answers in his smooth, Armie Hammer voice.]

Katherine Pierce's phone, her secretary speaking.

[He's kidding. Mostly.]

[unforgivably]

( He just puts it on speaker then and drops his phone on the table. )

Hey, Katherine Pierce's secretary. This is the Salvatore's and we'd like to speak to Katherine. Mind pulling her out of her meeting or whatever Fifty Shades of Grey heel to the neck scenario she's clearly channeling?

[gambled_ourmistakes]

[He rolls his eyes a bit, before placing the call on speaker and reaching over to nudge Katherine. He doesn't feel like dealing with her pissy exboyfriends, so that's certainly an excuse to wake her up.]

Katherine, wake up. You have a phone call.

[unforgivably]

( Beauty rest, for the record is not a saying if you ask, Katherine. But, she was really just closing her eyes anyway. She likes how the road lulls her usually quiet thoughts. She smiles and sighs.

"WHAT." )

Harbingers of the apocalypse, Katherine?

[gambled_ourmistakes]

[His brow furrows and he glances over at her.]

I think harbingers is a bit extreme. There was only one Apocalypse that was actually their fault.

[Damian you are not helping.]

And they did successfully thwart it.

[shreds]

See? They thwarted it. Must've mixed them up with the other two pathologically sacrificing brothers.

( "SACRIFICING?" Damon practically yells a little too loudly in his very public eating establishment.

Katherine rolls her eyes and cricks her neck.

Self-sacrificing. They'd die for one another. I think they both have.

( Damon just looks to Stefan. "Go back to the apocalypse." )

It's like Damian said, Damon. They were involved with one apocalypse, and really, if you believe the books the apocalypse involved them. They didn't actually want a part of that. I could send you the link for the entire series on Amazon. I recommend Route 666, page 220. You're welcome.

[gambled_ourmistakes]

See, exactly my point.

["We're just trying to figure out what Elena's gotten herself into."]

Elena is the other doppelganger, correct? I just want to make sure I check everything off properly on my Mystic Falls bingo card.

[shreds]

Elena's my descendant turned bleeding heart doctor. After being the world's worst vampire for a few years. So, technically, that hits - punches three Mystic Falls Bingo squares?

( She holds her fingers up. )

Cured, Doppelgänger, orphan.

[gambled_ourmistakes]

[He smirks.]

I may just get that free sandwich yet.

[Stefan sighs. "I think what Damon wants to know is if Elena is safe with them, Katherine."]

[shreds]

Is Elena Gilbert safe with anyone? She could help a little old lady across the street and still find trouble.

( Damon moves his hand from his chin, gesturing to his brother. You invited this here, his look suggests.

Katherine just smirks, stretching back and readjusting her position. )

Sam and Dean are two of the best hunters we know. Anybody knows, really. So, if Elena were in trouble, which I just always assume she's in, you'd want them with her.

[somanyadjectives]

Okay. So hopefully she's fine.

[That's said more for Damon's benefit than actually continuing the conversation.]

I'm sure she'll be back soon, and you can be overprotective in her general direction in person.

[shreds]

If she's not, then, she's not. But, like I said, must be Tuesday.

( God, Elena, Elena, Elena. )

Are we done?

( As much as it tickles her that Damon and Elena didn't work out, she still doesn't need to listen to the brothers be encouraging to each other. )

[gambled_ourmistakes]

["We are. Thank you, Katherine."

And with that, Stefan will hang up the phone so that Katherine can get back to the drive. Damian hangs up as well, before turning to Katherine with a smirk.]

They sound like lovely people.

[Can you hear all that sarcasm?]

[unforgivably]

( "Maybe in 1864."

Reaching over, Katherine pulls out her iPad. Stefan will get an E-mail shortly telling him that the Supernatural full series are on their way to Damon's address. They're be there the next day. Prime!

Damon hangs up and slams his phone down because, what? )

... What is Katherine's go-to weapon, anyway? Sarcasm?