everyonelives | if she'd been covered with glitter

( She'd argue against the word, 'pity,' but she can tell Josie has more to say and that's why she came here. She can't relate. Even with her powers bound, she took her moments, saved butterflies in secret. And when she turned, something that everyone believed was inevitable, she felt everything. The opposite of cut-off.

It's why she cut herself off from everything tethering her to her emotions.

Josie's ire is justified. It stings. But she brought herself here. She's going to follow through. She'd apologize for being so cavalier, but, she won't. )

I remember you leaving. I mean, I don't remember it, I wasn't here when you decided to leave, but I know you did. I know Lizzie took it upon herself to try and save me - or kill me - both are debatable. And, I do remember killing Lizzie and for that, I am sorry. I was angry Aurora, my dad's psycho ex, stole my body and that Lizzie fell for her sob story. But, Lizzie made those choices, including the choice to drink vampire blood. But, because of that, Lizzie is still alive. And I'm sorry that you don't feel her anymore. I am. I don't know what that's like.

[Okay, that's better.]

I'm not saying I'm not at Lizzie too for putting herself in that position. As much as I'm glad she's smart enough to have taken vampire blood before she left, it was still a stupid risk.

[She's mad at both of you. That probably doesn't make it better.]

I've never been without her there. And I'm still figuring out how to deal with it.

Well, I think you're dealing with it. You managed to pull me back from the brink. Even in all that -- properly placed anger. So, can I follow up my apology with a thank you?

( Is that allowed? )

[Josie does deflate some, because yes, that is allowed. She feels a little bad for jumping down Hope's throat when all she wanted was to say thank you, but she's still figuring out this asserting herself thing.]

Yeah. Sorry.

Don't be. I did kill your sister. And then I kind of enslaved her without trying? But, only for a few days.

( Then they came to an understanding. )

[She nods because yeah. That's not great either.]

I am glad you're you again. I was worried for a while that we wouldn't get you back.

I didn't want to be back. I don't even know what I wanted? It's like, I was finally free, but then Rebekah tracked me down and a bounty was put on my head -- all roads lead back to Hope Mikaelson.

( With or without her humanity. )

I'm not as reductive to think that I'm the cause of everything, I know Ben and Jen and Ken are not me and were not deployed by me, but, for a long time that was what it felt like. Like I brought everything to us. Like my loophole wasn't fair to anyone, like me existing wasn't fair to anyone.

( She sighs. )

You'd think I'd learn from erasing everyone's memory of me, but I needed to give myself permission to let everything go. And for that, that weak choice, I'm sorry. For all of it.

Wanting to let all of that go isn't weak, Hope.

[Because she understands that too.]

You know, when Kai took control of my Mom and was messing with my family, part of me was relieved to break that hourglass. Not because I wanted to slip over the edge but because it means that the sandclock wouldn't be hovering over my head anymore. And in a lot of ways it was freeing to not think about what everyone else wanted for a change. To only worry about what I wanted.

[In a lot of ways it was a relief just as much as it was awful.]

I regret a lot of what I did during that time, but I don't regret that first choice. I'm glad that it happened because it was a decision I made, rather than something that happened to me.

But, that decision got Lizzie killed. It - ( She goes quiet, a tear slipping out. It's not the first time she's felt the consequences of her actions. There was no time to focus on anything but gods and monsters and this, this is a necessary step, but it hurts. Like it hurt Josie. ) What I did to your dad...

He's okay, Hope.

[It was terrifying, but he made it out the other side.]

I'm sure he was advocating for them to bring you back just as much as I did.

It doesn't make what I did okay. The logic I was working from? That you all wouldn't come after me? I sent a message, Josie. If anything screams Klaus Mikaelson's daughter...

( But her friends were stronger. And still Josie helped things from her side. )

Maybe it does. But it's only going to become who you are if you don't try to change. Your dad ... probably had to horrifically murder a whole lot of people before it became expected of him.

[Josie turns to face her.]

You have your humanity back. Only you can change your path. If you really want to make it right, you'll find a way.

Are you going to come back?

( From what she's heard, Josie took herself out of the equation. But, has the equation changed? )

I don't know yet.

[It's complicated, but she can't help but enjoy the freedom that comes with not being a Saltzman at Salvatore School. But at the same time, Mystic Falls has been her home her whole life. Could she really miss out on those final milestones with her friends?]

I'm still thinking about it.

How is it here? Are you enrolled anywhere? Who - can I ask who you're living with?

( She wants to know everything, Josie and her and Lizzie were the best of friends. Lizzie and her have gotten back there, having both gotten past their bogus journey, but, she and Josie are barely on step one. Still, she can't stop herself from asking. )

Davina's been letting me stay with the coven. That's been really nice.

[Just surrounding herself with other witches who don't really know her and don't have to listen to her.]

I'm not enrolled in anywhere right now, though.

You dropped out?

( It's exactly what Josie had done when she left the Salvatore School. But, it's hard for Hope to picture Josie not studying anything. She supposes, she turned her studies to bringing Hope back from the brink. It's hard for the guilt to not creep up again. )

Would you come back?

I don't know.

[Part of her knows that she should definitely finish high school, but she's not sure if the Salvatore School is the place for her to do it.]

I might come back to Mystic Falls, but I don't think I'm coming back to the Salvatore School. I think ... I need something different. I need to be someone different.

You tried Mystic Falls High. Would you go back there?

( She's for anything that includes Josie returning to town. She'll support her in anything, it's what friends do. )

Yeah, maybe. I did like it there.

[But is that too close, too strong of a lure back to the place that is home? She doesn't know.]

Maybe Aunt Elena will let me keep crashing with her.

I don't know anyone that would say no to you.

( She lets the silent linger between them, because she's not sure what else she can say. )

Can we start again? No matter what you decide. You're one of my best friends, Josie.

Trust me, you're not getting rid of me that easily.

[She may be mad at Hope for what went down, but that wasn't going to be forever. It was just going to be the time it took for her to get over it.]

And you know, no matter where I go, there is such a thing as texting and phone calls.

But, you'll text first, just to make sure it's a good time to call?

( These Gen-zers, am I right? )

Obvs. I'm not a monster. Or old.

[Because clearly those are the two options for surprise phone calls.]

I'll figure it out, Hope. And when I decide, you will be the second to know.

[Because obviously Lizzie is first. Twins.]

Just ... keep an eye on her for me, okay?

I promise. She's in good hands. And her own woman.

( She both loves and respects her. )

I'm sorry about that, too, if you heard about that.

(no subject)

polydeukes - 2023-10-15 03:53 (UTC) - Expand