[He sighs, his hand coming up to rub at his forehead as he tries to figure out how to put it into words that doesn't go into all of the details because well ... his sexuality hasn't been a conversation that he and Dean have had and while he doesn't think he'll be shitty about it, he'll possibly be awkward about it and that's not really the point.]
Dickerson and I got into a fight, and I called Helene because I weirdly thought that being my friend she might be supportive and listen and in my anger forgot that she would feel the need to give me shit about it first.
[There's a small tinge of fondness to it, because he's not mad at her, exactly, it just compounded on the already existing issue.]
I get it. Sometimes, you don't feel heard. People tell you what they think, but they don't get it. Think they know best. You need help, you'd ask.
( They're similar like that, Dean and Ben. )
What's she supposed to be listening about. You and Dickerson get into fights before? Comes with the territory when you're close with someone. I hear it's even healthy.
Yeah, or if you're trying to say something they just don't seem to want to hear it.
[Because at the end of the day, that's what sparked it. The fact that he was trying to say something about this thing that's hard for him, and Dickerson felt like the best move was to turn it into something else. It's not the kiss or the person behind it but the fact that in that moment, Dickerson wasn't really in it with him. His mind was elsewhere, not actually listening to what Ben was saying.
Or at least that's how it felt. He shrugs at the question.]
Yeah, we've fought before but mostly about stupid shit. This ... I think we were going to have to confront it eventually, the timing just really sucked.
Timing's like that. And it doesn't get easier. Or, better. It's what you do with it that counts. Sounds complicated, if you wanted a sounding board. I'm not great with relationships, but, I know people. Got a real codependent thing going with my brother so half the time we're on each other's nerves.
( Making it down to the lower level, he walks them back onto the street with the clocktower ahead of them. )
[He feels torn about it, not sure how much to say. But at the root of it sits something he feels awkward to admit.]
I'm nervous. About tonight. Which feels stupid but ... aside from Sam we never really got to meet your people before. You always kind of kept us away from all of that.
[He pauses as he tries to find the right words.]
It means a lot that you asked us to come.
[And because that doesn't really seem to connect back to the fight itself.]
Which isn't what we were fighting about, but it was the thing he didn't seem to want to listen to. Which I know, it's not about him but he's supposed to be my best friend and sometimes it feels like he's so anxious to smooth things over that he never actually listens to what I'm saying.
[He pauses, looking up at the clock because he's talked himself into a corner now, and there's no avoiding it. He knew this was going to have to come up eventually he just didn't think it would be like ... this. But he also can't say it's not important either because it was.
Eventually his shoulders slump and he braces himself for however this is going to go.]
( Dean's eyebrows do climb, because that's not what he expected, and he can see that timing-wise - if that's the issue - probably not the best. )
Oh. ( He draws his lips together. ) Is the uh - problem that he ignored you and kissed you, or that he uh - have you ( he gestures, pointing at Ben and the invisible third party. is he nailing this? feels safer than 'are you' ) - do you two...
Oh. ( He lets the comfort of the moment settle between them, because he's not reacting. There is no reason to react.
He does look behind them, just in case Elena or one of the kids, or Damon, for whatever reason, is trying to get to them, but they're alone and they reach one of the benches. ) Well, he's got good taste. ( He offers a lopsided smile. ) But for real, ( He says, indicating the bench so they can sit. ) Me too. Discovered it real late in life and I've never done anything about it, but uh. You and I have a hell of a lot in common. ( He stretches an arm across the back of the bench. ) So, he ignored your spiral, kissed you and you - chewed his head off?
[It's a joke, but that's also not what he expected. It's funny the things you find you have in common when you actually talk to each other. He pauses and moves to sit next to him, choosing his words carefully as he does.]
But yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I also don't want it to be just because I was there, or because it's the thing that's comfortable and safe, which he has been guilty of in the past. We've never talked about our friendship being anything else. So ... I honestly don't know how I was supposed to take it.
[There's still more conversations they have to have. But that'll be for later, and not about this topic. But a small smirk flickers across his face and he nods.]
[Ben nods, but he won't repeat himself that it means a lot Dean asked. And it also means a lot that he listened, but he's also tired of things being heavy and not ready to have their larger conversation yet, so instead he diverts with.]
Well, she called mom your baby mama and is already planning to ply her with alcohol. And we both know what Mom's like after a few glasses of wine so I hope there aren't any secrets you want her keeping.
[Saucy Mom is fun, more so for Rudy than Ben, but Dean may not appreciate it while Cordy is asking probing questions. It won't be anything life threatening, but, well.
The local wine moms knew about "best night of my life Dean" somehow.]
None I need her to. She's not just a friend, she's -- she really helped when we needed it. Showed us someone else was on our side. Someone wanted us off the hamster wheel. We owe her our lives.
[Ben nods as he takes that in, replaying the moment from earlier. As much as Sam had been awkward about Cordelia's bluntness, there was also fondness there, for better or worse. And if Dean trusts her that much, then at least his mom will be in good hands, which is the main concern.]
Okay. Then I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.
[Because she's probably going to want to talk to him too.]
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Dickerson and I got into a fight, and I called Helene because I weirdly thought that being my friend she might be supportive and listen and in my anger forgot that she would feel the need to give me shit about it first.
[There's a small tinge of fondness to it, because he's not mad at her, exactly, it just compounded on the already existing issue.]
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( He listens to what's behind it, though. )
Sounds like you're not surprised. Did she help underneath the shit giving?
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[Not really. Usually how this goes, there's the big fuck you and he comes back around again when he's deflated some. Dean interrupted in the middle.]
She'll probably eventually call back if I don't. It just ... feels like people aren't really listening to me lately.
[And almost reflexively, almost as though he wants to head it off:]
Not you. Just ... in general.
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( They're similar like that, Dean and Ben. )
What's she supposed to be listening about. You and Dickerson get into fights before? Comes with the territory when you're close with someone. I hear it's even healthy.
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[Because at the end of the day, that's what sparked it. The fact that he was trying to say something about this thing that's hard for him, and Dickerson felt like the best move was to turn it into something else. It's not the kiss or the person behind it but the fact that in that moment, Dickerson wasn't really in it with him. His mind was elsewhere, not actually listening to what Ben was saying.
Or at least that's how it felt. He shrugs at the question.]
Yeah, we've fought before but mostly about stupid shit. This ... I think we were going to have to confront it eventually, the timing just really sucked.
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( Making it down to the lower level, he walks them back onto the street with the clocktower ahead of them. )
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I'm nervous. About tonight. Which feels stupid but ... aside from Sam we never really got to meet your people before. You always kind of kept us away from all of that.
[He pauses as he tries to find the right words.]
It means a lot that you asked us to come.
[And because that doesn't really seem to connect back to the fight itself.]
Which isn't what we were fighting about, but it was the thing he didn't seem to want to listen to. Which I know, it's not about him but he's supposed to be my best friend and sometimes it feels like he's so anxious to smooth things over that he never actually listens to what I'm saying.
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( He kept him at arm's length. Separated the worlds. There's a lot of time he won't get back, and he's gotta live with it. )
Couldn't not ask you to come. Means a lot you did.
( He nods, looking down as they step off the curb toward the little park in the middle of the square. He frowns, glancing over as he asks. )
How'd he try to smooth things over?
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Eventually his shoulders slump and he braces himself for however this is going to go.]
He kissed me.
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Oh. ( He draws his lips together. ) Is the uh - problem that he ignored you and kissed you, or that he uh - have you ( he gestures, pointing at Ben and the invisible third party. is he nailing this? feels safer than 'are you' ) - do you two...
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I am bi, so no, it wasn't because he was a dude. And we haven't.
[That's actually better than he expected that to be phrased, so points for Dean.]
It was mostly the first one.
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He does look behind them, just in case Elena or one of the kids, or Damon, for whatever reason, is trying to get to them, but they're alone and they reach one of the benches. ) Well, he's got good taste. ( He offers a lopsided smile. ) But for real, ( He says, indicating the bench so they can sit. ) Me too. Discovered it real late in life and I've never done anything about it, but uh. You and I have a hell of a lot in common. ( He stretches an arm across the back of the bench. ) So, he ignored your spiral, kissed you and you - chewed his head off?
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[It's a joke, but that's also not what he expected. It's funny the things you find you have in common when you actually talk to each other. He pauses and moves to sit next to him, choosing his words carefully as he does.]
But yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I also don't want it to be just because I was there, or because it's the thing that's comfortable and safe, which he has been guilty of in the past. We've never talked about our friendship being anything else. So ... I honestly don't know how I was supposed to take it.
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Did you ask why he did it?
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[He makes a face.]
But it was also part of the yelling so maybe not ... the most conducive to a healthy conversation.
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( He tips his head, to look into his eyes. )
You want an impossible laugh? Lighten the load a bit? I'm asking before I just do it, if you can't tell.
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[There's still more conversations they have to have. But that'll be for later, and not about this topic. But a small smirk flickers across his face and he nods.]
Sure. Why not?
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( He just needs to let that land, because his life has always been complicated. And part of that will be sharing the crazy. )
They popped up in New Orleans and almost clocked Damon for cheating on Elena.
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You know, I'm not sure what's worse. The fact that you said that with basically a straight face, or the fact that it almost made sense.
[Emphasis on almost, because it still seems way out there.]
So you both wound up with surprise children within a month of each other?
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( He breaks into a smirk, though. Did it work? )
Pretty much. Elena's less sure. We did DNA tests. But, me, I'm good with it. I want to know you, Ben, so I mean it when I say it means a lot you came.
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Me too. But you may have regrets.
[He smirks.]
We met Cordy when we got to the B&B.
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( That's Cordy for you. )
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[Saucy Mom is fun, more so for Rudy than Ben, but Dean may not appreciate it while Cordy is asking probing questions. It won't be anything life threatening, but, well.
The local wine moms knew about "best night of my life Dean" somehow.]
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( He's starting to think he owes her his life. )
She can say whatever.
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Okay. Then I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.
[Because she's probably going to want to talk to him too.]
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