coming at you fast, midnight

[cosmiccon]

Comments

[blackstarred]

[It does, a little. She offers him a small smile before nodding.]

Thanks, Dad.

[She knows part of the problem is that she is expecting a version of JJ that may not exist. She pauses, before looking back up at her father again.]

Can I ask you something? About when you were the Arrow?

[kapiushon]

You can ask me anything.

(It's an assurance he'd give almost anyone at this point, but he may not be as candid as he will be with his daughter. Even with William, he would hold the darkest parts back, but he doesn't believe he has to with Mia. )

[blackstarred]

[She promised Barry that she wouldn't spill the beans. That she would keep her father's understanding - or lack thereof - of Crisis intact. But she doesn't have anyone else to talk to.]

When you were the Arrow did you have a hard time of ... keeping separate what the Arrow knew versus what Oliver Queen was supposed to know?

[kapiushon]

( He thinks about that, because as much as he separated the two for the first few years of his vigilantism, he realized there was never a wall between them. The consequences of his actions befell both Oliver and the Hood/the Arrow/the Green Arrow. )

As much as I wanted to keep my lives separate, and I successfully did for a few... weeks, but pretty quickly the people I loved found out. Or, suffered underneath the consequences of my crusade. It was never about Oliver Queen or the Arrow, I was both as much as I thought I could separate the two.

( And he couldn't. )

Is that what it feels like being the slayer? That you have more knowledge than you should as Mia Queen?

[blackstarred]

[Being the Slayer isn't really a problem, but being a Slayer also caused the problem, so it's hard to say they're not separate.]

Kind of. All the Slayers get these dreams. Memories, sometimes, of the Slayers who came before them. It's ... disorienting, sometimes. You forget what's you and what's someone else.

[kapiushon]

That's a lot to live with.

( He tries to tread carefully, to listen closely, and to be there. )

Is it hard some days to distinguish between you and these past slayers?

[blackstarred]

Sometimes.

[She wakes up in her cushy room at the Queen Manor and forgets, briefly, that she's not supposed to be waking up in a bunker in the wrong Star City. She sees her father's face and feels the ache of a girl who grew up without him.]

After a minute or so, I remember, but it's like I've got two different people warring for control.

[kapiushon]

Who wins?

( He wants her to, hopes she'll say Mia Queen. But a father worries, and tries to sense motive (4) but if anyone is his blindspot, it's Mia Queen, daughter of Felicity, so he takes her story of historical dreams at face value. )

[blackstarred]

Usually Mia Queen.

[Usually.]

And Buffy helped a lot, when I was back in Scotland. She's been doing this a long time. But now I'm trying to figure it out on my own.

[kapiushon]

Is there anything I can help with?

( Is it his place? Is he capable? )

[blackstarred]

[She doesn't know if she can do that without breaking her promise.

But then again, Barry isn't always right. But she can't say for sure, and she doesn't want to hurt her father.]

Just ... if I look at you like I've never seen you before, don't take it personally? And remind me?

[kapiushon]

I'll do anything.

( It's a promise. He doesn't want to overstep, again, but she has approached him so the door is open. He can't help but ask. )

Mia, should I be worried?

[blackstarred]

[She shakes her head.]

No, I'm okay. Buffy says it evens out, and I'm still really new to this.

[At least, she hopes she'll be able to figure it out.]

[kapiushon]

You're adaptive. And strong. You won't let this sideline you. Is that what you're worried about? Losing yourself?

( This would explain her tonal shift, a loss of innocence Edith Wharton could write sequels about. )

[blackstarred]

A little bit.

[Her hands clench into fists for a moment before she shakes her head.]

Just ... more and more of a different me who didn't get to have this life. Who didn't get to have you.

[Which she shouldn't have said. She knows it as soon as she says it, but that's the person she's scared of losing to the most.]

[kapiushon]

A different you?

( If he was listening right, she was experiencing the past, not the parallel. )

Do you mean you're dreaming about a different you from a different Earth?

( And could that means something more? Should he call Laurel? )

[blackstarred]

Kind of.

[ ... She opened the door. Now she has to do this.]

More like a fragment of a timeline that no longer exists.

[kapiushon]

What are you talking about?

( Dreaming this other life would take its' toll. But, he wonders what details those dreams would reveal. If they'd go so far as to reveal that timeline is gone. )

[blackstarred]

Uncle Barry is going to kill me.

[But too late, this is happening. She sucks at keeping secrets from her dad anyway.]

When my Slayer abilities activated, I remembered Crisis. And more to the point, I remembered the person I was before Crisis.

[kapiushon]

Not if I kill him first.

( If we're following the killing logic. )

Mia, what's Crisis? Is that... another universe?

[blackstarred]

[She shakes her head.]

It was an event. Some eldritch being was trying to destroy the multiverse, and they almost succeeded. But there was a me there from a timeline where you died and I grew up alone.

[She can't even really count Felicity, given how much she was keeping from her.]

I didn't even really get to know William. Everything was different.

[kapiushon]

And you... remember this timeline. You have ever since you became a slayer.

( He takes that in, waiting for the answer. )

Is that why you stayed away for so long?

[blackstarred]

[She takes a deep breath, then nods slowly.]

I was having a hard time keeping track of what was real and what wasn't. Throw vampires and demons into the mix and things only became a lot worse.

[kapiushon]

It sounds like it was just as real as you or me, as your brother. It doesn't make things less real. It doesn't make me or Laurel or you or any of this less real. But, it makes it harder, doesn't it? Living with both.

( The survivor's guilt she must be carrying. )

And why will your uncle Barry be killing you?

[blackstarred]

[She takes a deep breath.]

Because you were there too, in Crisis. But there are reasons that he doesn't want you to remember.