( She'd argue she also almost killed her father, but there has been very little love lost between their father and his kids for some time now. Apparently, she's the bone of contention there. She won't argue he spent more time with her than them, resulting in more time with Jo. It's not her place and it's not why she came.
Self control isn't what Hope would call it. She'd call it pragmatism. Running away from what she thought might break her, and then having no choice but to systematically destroy the triumvirate after her. She could have kept to herself. She would have been fine. But, Rebekah found her and then she was targeted, and then Lizzie - and the sire bond - it was a snowball that kept growing the further it rolled down the hill. )
And you had a direct hand in bringing my humanity back. I know it wasn't just Vincent anchoring me here. Do you want me to apologize for Lizzie? Because I did. To Lizzie. And to your dad, but if you want an apology from me, then fine. I apologize.
[That was not the thing to stay. Josie immediately bristles at the half-apology because no, that isn't what she's here for, but it still doesn't feel great that Hope can't give her a real one, and she tells her as much:]
First of all, no, I don't want your half-assed pity apology.
[She didn't realize she was this angry. Part of her doesn't think she should be, because nothing directly happened to her, but she is. She still lost something, and she didn't come here to listen to Hope be cavalier about it.]
And yes, I helped bring you back because it was the right thing to do, and it was what you did for me. But I still need time to deal with what I lost in all of this. Because it may not seem like a big deal to you because she's fine, but I felt it when you killed her. And now I can't feel her anymore ever again, so no, Hope. We're not okay.
[She could see that Hope needed to be saved and can still be angry with her. Both things can be true.]
( She'd argue against the word, 'pity,' but she can tell Josie has more to say and that's why she came here. She can't relate. Even with her powers bound, she took her moments, saved butterflies in secret. And when she turned, something that everyone believed was inevitable, she felt everything. The opposite of cut-off.
It's why she cut herself off from everything tethering her to her emotions.
Josie's ire is justified. It stings. But she brought herself here. She's going to follow through. She'd apologize for being so cavalier, but, she won't. )
I remember you leaving. I mean, I don't remember it, I wasn't here when you decided to leave, but I know you did. I know Lizzie took it upon herself to try and save me - or kill me - both are debatable. And, I do remember killing Lizzie and for that, I am sorry. I was angry Aurora, my dad's psycho ex, stole my body and that Lizzie fell for her sob story. But, Lizzie made those choices, including the choice to drink vampire blood. But, because of that, Lizzie is still alive. And I'm sorry that you don't feel her anymore. I am. I don't know what that's like.
I'm not saying I'm not at Lizzie too for putting herself in that position. As much as I'm glad she's smart enough to have taken vampire blood before she left, it was still a stupid risk.
[She's mad at both of you. That probably doesn't make it better.]
I've never been without her there. And I'm still figuring out how to deal with it.
Well, I think you're dealing with it. You managed to pull me back from the brink. Even in all that -- properly placed anger. So, can I follow up my apology with a thank you?
[Josie does deflate some, because yes, that is allowed. She feels a little bad for jumping down Hope's throat when all she wanted was to say thank you, but she's still figuring out this asserting herself thing.]
I didn't want to be back. I don't even know what I wanted? It's like, I was finally free, but then Rebekah tracked me down and a bounty was put on my head -- all roads lead back to Hope Mikaelson.
( With or without her humanity. )
I'm not as reductive to think that I'm the cause of everything, I know Ben and Jen and Ken are not me and were not deployed by me, but, for a long time that was what it felt like. Like I brought everything to us. Like my loophole wasn't fair to anyone, like me existing wasn't fair to anyone.
( She sighs. )
You'd think I'd learn from erasing everyone's memory of me, but I needed to give myself permission to let everything go. And for that, that weak choice, I'm sorry. For all of it.
You know, when Kai took control of my Mom and was messing with my family, part of me was relieved to break that hourglass. Not because I wanted to slip over the edge but because it means that the sandclock wouldn't be hovering over my head anymore. And in a lot of ways it was freeing to not think about what everyone else wanted for a change. To only worry about what I wanted.
[In a lot of ways it was a relief just as much as it was awful.]
I regret a lot of what I did during that time, but I don't regret that first choice. I'm glad that it happened because it was a decision I made, rather than something that happened to me.
But, that decision got Lizzie killed. It - ( She goes quiet, a tear slipping out. It's not the first time she's felt the consequences of her actions. There was no time to focus on anything but gods and monsters and this, this is a necessary step, but it hurts. Like it hurt Josie. ) What I did to your dad...
It doesn't make what I did okay. The logic I was working from? That you all wouldn't come after me? I sent a message, Josie. If anything screams Klaus Mikaelson's daughter...
( But her friends were stronger. And still Josie helped things from her side. )
Maybe it does. But it's only going to become who you are if you don't try to change. Your dad ... probably had to horrifically murder a whole lot of people before it became expected of him.
[Josie turns to face her.]
You have your humanity back. Only you can change your path. If you really want to make it right, you'll find a way.
[It's complicated, but she can't help but enjoy the freedom that comes with not being a Saltzman at Salvatore School. But at the same time, Mystic Falls has been her home her whole life. Could she really miss out on those final milestones with her friends?]
How is it here? Are you enrolled anywhere? Who - can I ask who you're living with?
( She wants to know everything, Josie and her and Lizzie were the best of friends. Lizzie and her have gotten back there, having both gotten past their bogus journey, but, she and Josie are barely on step one. Still, she can't stop herself from asking. )
( It's exactly what Josie had done when she left the Salvatore School. But, it's hard for Hope to picture Josie not studying anything. She supposes, she turned her studies to bringing Hope back from the brink. It's hard for the guilt to not creep up again. )
[Part of her knows that she should definitely finish high school, but she's not sure if the Salvatore School is the place for her to do it.]
I might come back to Mystic Falls, but I don't think I'm coming back to the Salvatore School. I think ... I need something different. I need to be someone different.
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everyonelives2023-03-16 09:07 pm
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Self control isn't what Hope would call it. She'd call it pragmatism. Running away from what she thought might break her, and then having no choice but to systematically destroy the triumvirate after her. She could have kept to herself. She would have been fine. But, Rebekah found her and then she was targeted, and then Lizzie - and the sire bond - it was a snowball that kept growing the further it rolled down the hill. )
And you had a direct hand in bringing my humanity back. I know it wasn't just Vincent anchoring me here. Do you want me to apologize for Lizzie? Because I did. To Lizzie. And to your dad, but if you want an apology from me, then fine. I apologize.
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First of all, no, I don't want your half-assed pity apology.
[She didn't realize she was this angry. Part of her doesn't think she should be, because nothing directly happened to her, but she is. She still lost something, and she didn't come here to listen to Hope be cavalier about it.]
And yes, I helped bring you back because it was the right thing to do, and it was what you did for me. But I still need time to deal with what I lost in all of this. Because it may not seem like a big deal to you because she's fine, but I felt it when you killed her. And now I can't feel her anymore ever again, so no, Hope. We're not okay.
[She could see that Hope needed to be saved and can still be angry with her. Both things can be true.]
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It's why she cut herself off from everything tethering her to her emotions.
Josie's ire is justified. It stings. But she brought herself here. She's going to follow through. She'd apologize for being so cavalier, but, she won't. )
I remember you leaving. I mean, I don't remember it, I wasn't here when you decided to leave, but I know you did. I know Lizzie took it upon herself to try and save me - or kill me - both are debatable. And, I do remember killing Lizzie and for that, I am sorry. I was angry Aurora, my dad's psycho ex, stole my body and that Lizzie fell for her sob story. But, Lizzie made those choices, including the choice to drink vampire blood. But, because of that, Lizzie is still alive. And I'm sorry that you don't feel her anymore. I am. I don't know what that's like.
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I'm not saying I'm not at Lizzie too for putting herself in that position. As much as I'm glad she's smart enough to have taken vampire blood before she left, it was still a stupid risk.
[She's mad at both of you. That probably doesn't make it better.]
I've never been without her there. And I'm still figuring out how to deal with it.
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( Is that allowed? )
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Yeah. Sorry.
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( Then they came to an understanding. )
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I am glad you're you again. I was worried for a while that we wouldn't get you back.
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( With or without her humanity. )
I'm not as reductive to think that I'm the cause of everything, I know Ben and Jen and Ken are not me and were not deployed by me, but, for a long time that was what it felt like. Like I brought everything to us. Like my loophole wasn't fair to anyone, like me existing wasn't fair to anyone.
( She sighs. )
You'd think I'd learn from erasing everyone's memory of me, but I needed to give myself permission to let everything go. And for that, that weak choice, I'm sorry. For all of it.
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[Because she understands that too.]
You know, when Kai took control of my Mom and was messing with my family, part of me was relieved to break that hourglass. Not because I wanted to slip over the edge but because it means that the sandclock wouldn't be hovering over my head anymore. And in a lot of ways it was freeing to not think about what everyone else wanted for a change. To only worry about what I wanted.
[In a lot of ways it was a relief just as much as it was awful.]
I regret a lot of what I did during that time, but I don't regret that first choice. I'm glad that it happened because it was a decision I made, rather than something that happened to me.
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[It was terrifying, but he made it out the other side.]
I'm sure he was advocating for them to bring you back just as much as I did.
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( But her friends were stronger. And still Josie helped things from her side. )
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[Josie turns to face her.]
You have your humanity back. Only you can change your path. If you really want to make it right, you'll find a way.
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( From what she's heard, Josie took herself out of the equation. But, has the equation changed? )
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[It's complicated, but she can't help but enjoy the freedom that comes with not being a Saltzman at Salvatore School. But at the same time, Mystic Falls has been her home her whole life. Could she really miss out on those final milestones with her friends?]
I'm still thinking about it.
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( She wants to know everything, Josie and her and Lizzie were the best of friends. Lizzie and her have gotten back there, having both gotten past their bogus journey, but, she and Josie are barely on step one. Still, she can't stop herself from asking. )
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[Just surrounding herself with other witches who don't really know her and don't have to listen to her.]
I'm not enrolled in anywhere right now, though.
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( It's exactly what Josie had done when she left the Salvatore School. But, it's hard for Hope to picture Josie not studying anything. She supposes, she turned her studies to bringing Hope back from the brink. It's hard for the guilt to not creep up again. )
Would you come back?
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[Part of her knows that she should definitely finish high school, but she's not sure if the Salvatore School is the place for her to do it.]
I might come back to Mystic Falls, but I don't think I'm coming back to the Salvatore School. I think ... I need something different. I need to be someone different.
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( She's for anything that includes Josie returning to town. She'll support her in anything, it's what friends do. )
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[But is that too close, too strong of a lure back to the place that is home? She doesn't know.]
Maybe Aunt Elena will let me keep crashing with her.
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( She lets the silent linger between them, because she's not sure what else she can say. )
Can we start again? No matter what you decide. You're one of my best friends, Josie.
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[She may be mad at Hope for what went down, but that wasn't going to be forever. It was just going to be the time it took for her to get over it.]
And you know, no matter where I go, there is such a thing as texting and phone calls.
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( These Gen-zers, am I right? )
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