everyonelives | for the rest of us death will be a relief

Your brother-in-law?

( He's a little young, but, gathering facts. And then they're dismissed. He didn't get to finish his sandwich, so, fine. But, Damon's not getting rid of them that easily.

Once the kids are in the kitchen, Damon sits down on Lindsay's couch and drops the stolen whiskey bottle on the table.

In the kitchen, Beck opens the fridge to take out the steaks for the night and sets them on the counter to thaw.

"Beck Ford," he says, introducing himself. "Lindsay's fiancee. And this twerp's brother. Let me know if I have to go out and get a few more steaks." He rubs Colm's head, messing his hair up before joining his fiancee and Damon in the living room. "So, those are your bairn." )

[Colm waits until his brother are around the corner and raises an eyebrow. "I'm the youngest, Beck is second oldest. There are eight of us."

He feels like that usually covers enough lingering questions.

In the living room, Lindsay smirks at Damon.]

Both of them definitely have your "I hate everything about this stare."

( "There are only two of us," Gray says, peering down at the steaks. "Steal sounds good."

IN the living room, Damon unplugs the whiskey, takes a big swig and holds it out for whoever wants it.

Beck gets his hands on it first. This is worth whiskey.

"Stefan wants them to take a paternity test," he says. )

Damon Salvatore, you are the father. He's got your eyes.

["Yeah, sure." Stephanie shrugs. "Steak's fine." She's not a huge carnivore, but she'll manage until they get back home. Because they're going to go home, right?

Right????

Lindsay tips her head to the side.]

I actually don't think that's a terrible idea. Because you'll know for sure, and Elena's probably going to want one too. I'm assuming she's the mom, right? Which is part of the reason you're wearing that face?

( "Steph. It's better than nothing. Colm. You're Irish. You grew up in Ireland?" Gray will drive the conversation. )

If it were Elena or anyone else, I'd still be making this face. But, yes. It's Elena. Stefan jabbed me with cure, died himself, Elena and I got back together, married, and had kids. I'm guessing marriage came, Steph was hot under the collar when she thought I was cheating on their mother.

( "Stephanie. Stefan," Beck says, making the connection, then, not helping, does take a pull from the bottle. )

[Colm nods. "Mostly, yep. But I go to school at Tulane, so I've been more stateside for the last couple years."

Lindsay nods.]

And I'm guessing Gray is Grayson? Elena's dad?

[She keeps up with the Founding Family members, okay, she was sheriff in Mystic Falls. Occasionally it was important.]

Probably best to cover our bases and still have them take the test but we're also probably going to want Elena here for that.

[Lindsay tentatively glances back at Damon.]

Have you reached out?

( "Our cousin Josie went to Tulane," Gray says, nodding to Steph. That's kind of a coincidence, right? )

Gray must be Grayson. I probably named him. For Elena. For his fucked up vampire legacy. ( A beat. ) And that she was his father.

( She's right, isn't she. )

To Elena? No. This was just dropped in my lap and according to Stefan, she was just kidnapped by witches. She's alive and the witches that deserved it are dead. And Matt Donovan. He's there, too.

[Colm's brow furrows. "Saltzman?"

Lindsay nods and rubs her eyes.]

So everyone is having a night.

[That makes sense. She won't push this right now. They have other things to talk about and she wants to talk to the kids.]

Okay, let's have dinner and I'll see what they remember and then we can decide if we want to loop Elena in or not for the DNA test.

[She thinks they should, as it will just be easier.]

Is Stefan going to tell her?

( "Yeah," Gray confirms. "She's a lot older than us, but she told Stephanie about it one of the holidays. It was on her short list." Why is he doing all the talking. He gets this isn't easy, but hanging him out to dry?

Damon takes the bottle back again, foists it back and then drops his down on the table. )

I... told Stefan to do what he wants. It wasn't good timing and Matt. ( It's messed up. ) But, I should tell her. I know.

[Because that would be a lot of Emily talking to herself, Gray. But also your sister isn't really feeling chatty and may be trying to listen in on her father's conversation.

Colm's brow furrows at saying that she's a lot older than them because they look his age so: "I know her. She's close with my roommate." They're still not actually friends but Josie tolerates her a lot better than she used to. "I think she stayed in town for the holidays if you want me to call her."

Lindsay nods slowly.]

Well, if Stefan had spilled the beans she probably would have already called you, so we have time. Let's just eat, and talk with the kids so we have the most information to give her when we do.

[She then looks over at Beck.]

We're probably going to need more steaks. I only bought enough for you, me and Colm.

( "How old are you?" Gray asks, because, Josie is way older. Does Colm share an apartment or a house or - dorm room with someone older? He must be living off campus.

"She's in school now?" he asks, after.

Outside, Beck gets up and kisses his future wife's forehead.

"On it," he says, moving to the key hooks. He grabs his keys and then his fob, then swings around. "Right, that's three big gulps of whiskey." He sets the fob down. "Should go down to the corner. Be right back."

And now that they're alone, Damon drops his head in his hands. )

You get that I'm going to disappoint them.

[Colm nods slowly. "I'm twenty. And she's a freshman, so ... eighteen?" He's pretty sure he remembers her saying that her birthday was the Ides of March so yeah. She's still eighteen.

Lindsay inches closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder gently.]

Yeah, you probably are. But that's parenthood. Disappointing your kids is kind of inevitable.

[That probably says more about how she's raised than parenthood in general.]

And you're especially going to disappoint them if you waste time trying to live up to the other version of you that they've been living with for eighteen years but you have no context for. So just ... be you. I've got your back. The rest we can figure out.

( "It's a nice gesture, but, to catch you up to the complicated part of your weekend holiday, that won't be the Josie we know. Damon brought us here, so that to me is reading you into the chaos. Stop me now if I sound insane," Gray says, trying.

Damon sighs deeply. )

Well. There's this group chat I'm missing. I saw Elena all over it. She seem like she's in a place to take big news? Matt Donovan would be bomb enough...

["My mum was a Watcher and my brother is the leader of the human faction for New Orleans and I know Hope Mikaelson. The bar for insanity is high." He gestures with his hand. "But go for it."

Lindsay starts to swipe through the messages, catching up on what she might have missed.]

I think she's probably unconscious for however long her body will let her. But you can leave her a message and she'll call you back when she's awake?

How vague do you think I can get away with?

( Without seeming like he doesn't care.

Well, that's an answer he can get behind. He doesn't know what a watcher is, but Gray knows about humans and factions - and everyone knows about Hope Mikaelson.

"Our mother didn't give birth to us in this reality. I'm pretty sure we don't exist in this reality. Your Josie isn't cousin Josie we know. That in there isn't our dad. Our dad's not a vampire anymore. Our uncle Stefan is dead. Mom's not in Kansas of all places. And he's in there trying to brainstorm how to tell her we do exist here and now. Do you think a paternity test will prove who we are or does that not make the insanity bar?" he says. )

If you're incredibly vague, do you think she'll actually call you back?

[Because this is Elena and last she heard she was kinda annoyed with you in your last conversation.

Colm takes all this in and as he processes, he sums up their situation succinctly. "Ah. This is some multiverse shite."]

No. I don't. Not after how I left it.

( grabbing his phone up, he sits back, dropping his head back, hoping to god Elena's phone goes to voicemail, but also that he has enough time to come up with he wants to say.

"That went over a lot easier than Steph's taking it," he marvels. Sorry, Steph. )

[Oh, he's definitely going to go to voicemail. This thread of things may be picked up elsewhere or tomorrow, but for now, you just get the familiar. "Hey, you've reached Elena. Leave a message and I'll call you back or text me."

Stephanie's hand lashes out against her brother's shoulder because don't tease her because her life is falling apart. Her phone has become an emotional support brick.

Colm, on the other hand, shrugs.]

In her defense, it's not happening to me.

[If it was happening to him, he'd probably be a lot more upset about it. That being said:]

You're in good hands with Linds, though. She's good at putting puzzles together. A little Sherlock Holmes, that one. And she's good people too. If anyone can figure this out, it's her.

Elena, it's Damon. Call me back when you get this. I don't want to fight, but something big's... come up in New Orleans and it has to do with that growing group chat. ( a beat. fuck. ) This is not about Matt. Just. Call me back. It's serious.

( He hangs up.

If she wants to talk about Matt, he will. If Matt wants to avoid him, that's fine, too. But for now, he's -- done the minimum. She's asleep. She'll get this message.

Yeah, yeah, Gray is sorry for the jab.

"And what's a watcher?" )

[Well, that's a longer story, but also because Colm is friends with a guy who does love comic books he can start here:]

Do you have Slayers in your universe?

["Slayers?" Stephanie's brow furrows at the the way he says that, like it's a title. "No? At least not that I know of."

Lindsay reaches over squeeze Damon's shoulder gently. "Now that it's done you don't have to worry about it, and you can focus on the kids. She'll call you back."

Stefan will make sure of it.]

( Gray hesitates. "Watchers," he turns to his sister, making a connection he didn't, previously. "Slayers," he says again, slowly. "Sorry, we - yes. We do. I misheard you." He looks around himself. "Is there something to drink around here?". Because they are not discussing what that could mean. Maybe it's different.

Damon sets his phone down, leaning forward, listening to the conversation in the other room. )

Pick a cake?

Damon came in with a bottle of whiskey, so start there.

[But since that whole bit feels awkward:]

Want me to go recover it?

[Lindsay shakes her head. "We already have a cake. Bairre's making the cake as a wedding gift and it is going to be delicious, but we do have a potential caterer and Klaus helped us negotiate space for Bairre to bake said cake the week before the wedding because naturally he can't fly it here from London pre-baked."]

( "I actually meant water, but if you can get a bottle of whiskey off our dad in any universe, you win more points with me." And probably his sister, but he's not speaking for her. )

Naturally. Is next week still flowers?

["Water's in the sink." He'll grab two glasses for them but that actually sounds like a challenge so he'll do what he does best.

Walk directly into the other room where Damon and Lindsay are talking, brazenly pick up the bottle, and walk back out again.

Lindsay will track this and roll her eyes before answering Damon's question.]

Yep. I got the contract from the venue this afternoon so hopefully I'll be able to go through and make sure all the vendors we've liked so far are approved.

Where -

( He brings his arms up, like, is this --- aunting?

Gray turns with cold water in two glass and sees - oh, the bottle. )

You think the paternity test is the way to go?

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