everyonelives | for the rest of us death will be a relief

[Back in Baltimore, Stefan is making strangling motions at his phone, but fine. He'll talk to Elena. But he's going to let both of them sleep first.

Back in New Orleans, Stephanie sat on the other side of that phone call losing what little is left of her patience and when he brings up a paternity test she tries to breathe, tries to remember that he may look like her father but isn't actually her father.

Her fist crumples a napkin in her lap, out of view, but she nods.]

Fine. Whatever. What do we have to do?

We find some nice and discreet doctor, or lab-monkey.

( He goes to do just that and then sees a message from Lindsay. He'd ask if she had wedding plans, she did, but this - and all the other -- messages in this group chat.

He sends a quick one, to Lindsay, corks the whiskey and stands. )

But, first, we're going to leave and pay a visit to your aunt Lindsay. Is she sheriff... or - well ( he says, pushing his chair in ) she's a friend and in law enforcement and in town. And she has some questions. Innocent ones, nobody's blaming you for any of this.

( And instead of her meeting them, Damon takes them to the cake caterer's she's posted up in.

For his part, Gray listens to everything their "dad" says. Everything different. That Uncle Matt's a topic of conversation. Their mom is in Kansas with some drifter or military brat named Dean. That everything's different.

He sticks close to his sister, keeping one eye on her. )

[Stephanie also follows obediently though she is still quietly seething, already hating everything about this situation that they have found themselves in.

Lindsay tells Damon to bring them by the apartment, so to the apartment they head. Lindsay and Beck do live in the Quarter, but they were careful to select a building out of both vampire and witch territory, making sure to fully establish themselves in the human camp. It's a nice, historical building while still being secure, and it doesn't take long for them to wind their way up to the Ford-Miller apartment, where the door is answered by -

- Unfortunately not Lindsay or Beck, but this asshole.

Colm is hanging out with Beck and Lindsay for the first two weeks of break before they fly out to visit Brogan and spends the second two weeks with his older brother. He also opens the door just barely after Damon knocks, glancing over all three of them with one headphone popped off his ear.]

Evening.

( Damon wanted to crash a caterer, just for dramatic purposes. But, he obliges, driving him and his kids over to Lindsay and Beck.

Damon checks the number by the door.)

Did you go to the wrong apartment, I thought Lindsay was your friend?

( "She is," he grumbles. )

No, you're in the right place.

[More of his Irish lilt comes out in that, so Damon may be able to catch on that this is one of Beck's many, many brothers.

He's about to introduce himself when Lindsay appears in the entryway, eyes narrowed. "How did you get here so fast? Your music was so loud and that knock barely happened."

Colm frowns before turning and pointing to girl wedged between the two Salvatore men.]

She is also very loud.

[Stephanie looks offended, before saying, loudly: "I didn't even say anything!" But for those in the know, it does make sense that angry teenage girl thoughts are both angry and loud.

Lindsay catches on to his meaning, however, and shakes her head. "No, not. It's not your fault." To her brother-in-law: "It's fine, I was expecting them."

Colm nods, and steps back, pulling the door and gesturing for them all to come in.]

( He does indeed recognize the Irish lilt. This must be a future brother-in-law. But, a little shit.

Damon puzzles over the loudness, but, he has more important things. And it doesn't help that she is being loud. Out loud at that moment. )

Go on.

( Gray goes in first, giving Colm a weird look, and then by Lindsay.

"Hey. Gray," he says, shaking her hand. )

Lindsay. Nice to meet you.

[Stephanie also makes her way in and gives a wave since it seems like they're doing introductions. "Stephanie."

Lindsay nods with a smile to her.]

This is Colm, my brother-in-law. Colm, why don't you take them into the kitchen and see if we have anything they like to eat while I talk to Damon for a sec?

[Colm nods, before turning and pointing in the direction of the kitchen. "This way."]

Your brother-in-law?

( He's a little young, but, gathering facts. And then they're dismissed. He didn't get to finish his sandwich, so, fine. But, Damon's not getting rid of them that easily.

Once the kids are in the kitchen, Damon sits down on Lindsay's couch and drops the stolen whiskey bottle on the table.

In the kitchen, Beck opens the fridge to take out the steaks for the night and sets them on the counter to thaw.

"Beck Ford," he says, introducing himself. "Lindsay's fiancee. And this twerp's brother. Let me know if I have to go out and get a few more steaks." He rubs Colm's head, messing his hair up before joining his fiancee and Damon in the living room. "So, those are your bairn." )

[Colm waits until his brother are around the corner and raises an eyebrow. "I'm the youngest, Beck is second oldest. There are eight of us."

He feels like that usually covers enough lingering questions.

In the living room, Lindsay smirks at Damon.]

Both of them definitely have your "I hate everything about this stare."

( "There are only two of us," Gray says, peering down at the steaks. "Steal sounds good."

IN the living room, Damon unplugs the whiskey, takes a big swig and holds it out for whoever wants it.

Beck gets his hands on it first. This is worth whiskey.

"Stefan wants them to take a paternity test," he says. )

Damon Salvatore, you are the father. He's got your eyes.

["Yeah, sure." Stephanie shrugs. "Steak's fine." She's not a huge carnivore, but she'll manage until they get back home. Because they're going to go home, right?

Right????

Lindsay tips her head to the side.]

I actually don't think that's a terrible idea. Because you'll know for sure, and Elena's probably going to want one too. I'm assuming she's the mom, right? Which is part of the reason you're wearing that face?

( "Steph. It's better than nothing. Colm. You're Irish. You grew up in Ireland?" Gray will drive the conversation. )

If it were Elena or anyone else, I'd still be making this face. But, yes. It's Elena. Stefan jabbed me with cure, died himself, Elena and I got back together, married, and had kids. I'm guessing marriage came, Steph was hot under the collar when she thought I was cheating on their mother.

( "Stephanie. Stefan," Beck says, making the connection, then, not helping, does take a pull from the bottle. )

[Colm nods. "Mostly, yep. But I go to school at Tulane, so I've been more stateside for the last couple years."

Lindsay nods.]

And I'm guessing Gray is Grayson? Elena's dad?

[She keeps up with the Founding Family members, okay, she was sheriff in Mystic Falls. Occasionally it was important.]

Probably best to cover our bases and still have them take the test but we're also probably going to want Elena here for that.

[Lindsay tentatively glances back at Damon.]

Have you reached out?

( "Our cousin Josie went to Tulane," Gray says, nodding to Steph. That's kind of a coincidence, right? )

Gray must be Grayson. I probably named him. For Elena. For his fucked up vampire legacy. ( A beat. ) And that she was his father.

( She's right, isn't she. )

To Elena? No. This was just dropped in my lap and according to Stefan, she was just kidnapped by witches. She's alive and the witches that deserved it are dead. And Matt Donovan. He's there, too.

[Colm's brow furrows. "Saltzman?"

Lindsay nods and rubs her eyes.]

So everyone is having a night.

[That makes sense. She won't push this right now. They have other things to talk about and she wants to talk to the kids.]

Okay, let's have dinner and I'll see what they remember and then we can decide if we want to loop Elena in or not for the DNA test.

[She thinks they should, as it will just be easier.]

Is Stefan going to tell her?

( "Yeah," Gray confirms. "She's a lot older than us, but she told Stephanie about it one of the holidays. It was on her short list." Why is he doing all the talking. He gets this isn't easy, but hanging him out to dry?

Damon takes the bottle back again, foists it back and then drops his down on the table. )

I... told Stefan to do what he wants. It wasn't good timing and Matt. ( It's messed up. ) But, I should tell her. I know.

[Because that would be a lot of Emily talking to herself, Gray. But also your sister isn't really feeling chatty and may be trying to listen in on her father's conversation.

Colm's brow furrows at saying that she's a lot older than them because they look his age so: "I know her. She's close with my roommate." They're still not actually friends but Josie tolerates her a lot better than she used to. "I think she stayed in town for the holidays if you want me to call her."

Lindsay nods slowly.]

Well, if Stefan had spilled the beans she probably would have already called you, so we have time. Let's just eat, and talk with the kids so we have the most information to give her when we do.

[She then looks over at Beck.]

We're probably going to need more steaks. I only bought enough for you, me and Colm.

( "How old are you?" Gray asks, because, Josie is way older. Does Colm share an apartment or a house or - dorm room with someone older? He must be living off campus.

"She's in school now?" he asks, after.

Outside, Beck gets up and kisses his future wife's forehead.

"On it," he says, moving to the key hooks. He grabs his keys and then his fob, then swings around. "Right, that's three big gulps of whiskey." He sets the fob down. "Should go down to the corner. Be right back."

And now that they're alone, Damon drops his head in his hands. )

You get that I'm going to disappoint them.

[Colm nods slowly. "I'm twenty. And she's a freshman, so ... eighteen?" He's pretty sure he remembers her saying that her birthday was the Ides of March so yeah. She's still eighteen.

Lindsay inches closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder gently.]

Yeah, you probably are. But that's parenthood. Disappointing your kids is kind of inevitable.

[That probably says more about how she's raised than parenthood in general.]

And you're especially going to disappoint them if you waste time trying to live up to the other version of you that they've been living with for eighteen years but you have no context for. So just ... be you. I've got your back. The rest we can figure out.

( "It's a nice gesture, but, to catch you up to the complicated part of your weekend holiday, that won't be the Josie we know. Damon brought us here, so that to me is reading you into the chaos. Stop me now if I sound insane," Gray says, trying.

Damon sighs deeply. )

Well. There's this group chat I'm missing. I saw Elena all over it. She seem like she's in a place to take big news? Matt Donovan would be bomb enough...

["My mum was a Watcher and my brother is the leader of the human faction for New Orleans and I know Hope Mikaelson. The bar for insanity is high." He gestures with his hand. "But go for it."

Lindsay starts to swipe through the messages, catching up on what she might have missed.]

I think she's probably unconscious for however long her body will let her. But you can leave her a message and she'll call you back when she's awake?

How vague do you think I can get away with?

( Without seeming like he doesn't care.

Well, that's an answer he can get behind. He doesn't know what a watcher is, but Gray knows about humans and factions - and everyone knows about Hope Mikaelson.

"Our mother didn't give birth to us in this reality. I'm pretty sure we don't exist in this reality. Your Josie isn't cousin Josie we know. That in there isn't our dad. Our dad's not a vampire anymore. Our uncle Stefan is dead. Mom's not in Kansas of all places. And he's in there trying to brainstorm how to tell her we do exist here and now. Do you think a paternity test will prove who we are or does that not make the insanity bar?" he says. )

If you're incredibly vague, do you think she'll actually call you back?

[Because this is Elena and last she heard she was kinda annoyed with you in your last conversation.

Colm takes all this in and as he processes, he sums up their situation succinctly. "Ah. This is some multiverse shite."]

No. I don't. Not after how I left it.

( grabbing his phone up, he sits back, dropping his head back, hoping to god Elena's phone goes to voicemail, but also that he has enough time to come up with he wants to say.

"That went over a lot easier than Steph's taking it," he marvels. Sorry, Steph. )

[Oh, he's definitely going to go to voicemail. This thread of things may be picked up elsewhere or tomorrow, but for now, you just get the familiar. "Hey, you've reached Elena. Leave a message and I'll call you back or text me."

Stephanie's hand lashes out against her brother's shoulder because don't tease her because her life is falling apart. Her phone has become an emotional support brick.

Colm, on the other hand, shrugs.]

In her defense, it's not happening to me.

[If it was happening to him, he'd probably be a lot more upset about it. That being said:]

You're in good hands with Linds, though. She's good at putting puzzles together. A little Sherlock Holmes, that one. And she's good people too. If anyone can figure this out, it's her.

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