She tries not to let that bother her. She's not very good at it, but she tries. She's seventeen. It's not like she has a choice.
She's supposed to be spending the evening with David. They're supposed to be having a "date." He loves her, she knows this. She can see it in the way he protects or will snipe back at her parents if given the opportunity. But it's not a love that's real. She can't really judge him though. She's not in love with him either. But she's willing to cling to him if it means she'll have a partner she can trust, and not be forced onto her parents' darling of the week.
David promises he'll continue to protect her. He doesn't promise that he'll be on time for their dates.
He was supposed to help his parents with a ritual, and then meet her for dinner. He did not show up for dinner, so she went looking. What she does see is David stepping out into the room, and turning to look at her with pitch-black eyes. He winks at her, oh so casually, and then disappears.
Jaqueline stares in the empty space, unsure as to what to do, but when she hears his parents stumbling towards the door, she is snapped into action. She turns and runs, heading into the Harper wing, to Sierra's room, and disappearing inside without knocking. She leans back against the door and stares back at her, unsure how to put it into words.]
( Sierra has always felt her parents overcompensate. There's something that disconnects from the other heirs (that's what they're called behind their backs, and sometimes at the dinner table) between their treatment and Sierra's. Sierra has freedom. And gifts. And, for all intents and purposes. Love. None of it feels consequential. None of it feels real. Jaqueline's harder childhood, her parents' coldness. David's parents' decisive words. Even Max's rearing. It all fits in the house she's grown up in.
But hers.
Maybe she's broken. Maybe her parents do love her. Maybe they are the odd ones out.
But, for whatever reason, they all live with one another. And they're betrothed and promised across people. She's been told there was someone for her, but plans change. She's even been told she can choose for herself one day.
She already has chosen, but nobody knows. She has a deeper connection with Jacqueline. She always has. Since they were children. Since they practiced kissing as young teens. Since they snuck into one another's beds when their parents were off on business, or on the nights they let the girls have their "little sleepovers."
But something is off, because even her parents are weird this week. Absent in a way they didn't ask about her dressage, or her piano lessons. She knows it's time. Something shifted. Something would always have shifted.
Jacqueline interrupts her packing. She looks up, vulnerable. )
I was going to leave word for where I ended up. ( Confused, she speaks again. ) David's what?
[She won't deny the way her gut drops out from under her at the sight of the suitcase. She wants to scream don't you leave me too but she swallows it, as she swallows most things. She can't imagine that asking her to stay would bear enough weight to outweigh all the other plans on the table.
So she stuffs down the emotions and tries to turn the despair into anger. Anger is a much easier fuel.]
[Jaqueline can't keep her eyes off the zipped bag, the promise that Sierra would soon be leaving her too. But she answers the question all the same.]
He was supposed to help his parents with a ritual beforehand, and then come to dinner but he was late. Later than usual. So I went to see where he was, and that's when I saw the demon leaving.
Help - ( That would mean. The possibility courses ice through her veins. She shakes her head, staring daggers through her closed door into the adjacent wing. ) No, no, they wouldn't - not - not to their son. Maybe it went wrong. ( She does her best attempt at convincing herself. ) Something went wrong.
[Jaqueline, unfortunately, is not under the same misconceptions. True, she's sure something went wrong. The Gainors wouldn't let their heir wander possessed. No, something went wrong, but she doesn't think it was possession.]
I don't know. But I didn't want you to run into him and think he was David.
[Not without checking first. But now, she can't put aside the suitcase any longer.]
( Her eyes fall back on the suitcase she was caught with. Right. That. It's still there. )
I have a friend in New York. ( But New York isn't the final destination. ) I want to disappear. For just a while. ( She gives her a pained look. Sierra knows she can't ask Jaq to come with her, even if she wants it. ) You don't feel like all of this is wrong? Our entire childhoods? David's possessed, Jaq. And who knows where. And your brother's -- ( Enough breath is wasted on him. ) You're the only thing right in my life and --
( And even then, she's also - a little wrong. For her. For everyone. For her family. She hates having the thought. )
[She knows how David and Sierra feel about her brother but Max isn't what they think he is. He's a product of the system, just like the rest of them, and she wants to believe her brother would choose her, if given the choice.
It may be a lie she tells herself, but he's still her twin. Sometimes it feels like he's the other half of her heart walking outside her body.]
If I'm the only right thing, then why are you leaving me here?
[She wants to understand, she does. But she's not sure she can because Sierra is right in that she can't run away. Her mother - or worse, her grandmother - will come to drag her back.]
Because you'll never leave. You can talk about it all you want under the covers, or after a really bad fight with your dad, but your brother is here. Your family is here. I don't know what it says that you fit into your family but my stepfords... I will die here. If I stay here. I will die here. But, you won't. You can do this. You fit. I -- never have. And if I thought I could pry my parents away from our family business, I would. But, they're -- I don't even know. I don't know, all I know is I can't be here because if I am here, I won't survive. I'll die. And I don't want to leave you. And I don't ( she tears up. ) want to stop talking every day, and exchanging looks at our mandatory dinners and - and I don't, but, I don't want to die.
She would joke that she needs to have a heart for that, but her heart is there. She needs to shield it in a briar of thorns in order to keep it away from her determined mother, the snide comments of her father. Is she truly built so well to survive?
It hurts that Sierra thinks that she'll never leave. That she can't do the things she wants to do. It hurts that she thinks that her parents are any better and maybe they are. But they still raised her here.]
Fine. Then go. But I can't promise I'll be here when you get back.
[Not as she is now. Not as the person who offers her trust to Sierra wholeheartedly. If Sierra leaves her here with no other recourse, then Jaqueline will not apologize for who she'll have to become and what soft parts of her she'll have to turn to stone.]
( She knows there isn't anything else to say. Or, do. She can't fix this. She can't change her mind. She doesn't do that. She never has. She broke it. Maybe Jaq and her were the only intact thing in her broken mirror of a life.
But, she broke that, too.
She leaves Jaq to her anger and returns to the bed, pulling the strap up from the bag. )
[So no. She doesn't get a pretty, pleasant goodbye when she's not going to be treated like enough of an equal to get a damn goodbye.]
I'm not going to pretend to be happy about it. And I'm not going to let you just pat me on the head on your way out the door. So take what you get and go.
( Why are those the two alternatives? She shoulders her bag and gives her girlfriend one last look before crouching down and engaging her hereditary power, phasing in a pool of neon green light, disappearing through the floor. )
[Jaqueline wants to scream. She wants to rage. She wants to trash the room in front of her and hope that it makes her feel better.
What she will do is steal her father's whiskey, drink half the bottle and make herself Max's problem. He'll worry, especially because she's not going to tell him why, not really. Maybe let him think it's about David's being possessed and she's oh-so-broken up about her fiance being missing.
The Harpers will also ask her some questions later, but fortunately she has no answers to give. She retreats, focuses on her coding and her computers, and decides not to give a fuck about other people for a while.
Days turn into months turn into almost a year and a half before a bad fight with her father has her reaching for her phone. She doesn't know if Sierra is using the same number, but she sends a text to it all the same. Even if it's just talking into the ether, maybe it would make her feel better.]
( David's trail goes cold immediately. When a demon disappears, he disappears. Or, she. Or, it. Whomever is inside her best friend is gone. She tries, at first, to focus and keep her antennae up. She doesn't know where he'd go, but does know where a demon might take him. He doesn't end up at their Connecticut boarding school. Or, one of the big hotels in the city.
She lies low with one of the teachers. One of the only adults in her life she feels like she can trust. It's overstepping on both parts but she could read between the lines and offered her sanctuary.
She missed Jacqueline more than anything. She worries. One call a month later goes unanswered. A text three months later - well, maybe she's blocked. She doesn't know. By then, she's focusing on her craft. She's out of the country. She's holistic. She's breathing. Life isn't about things and power and consolidation. She's Sierra and she's only starting to understand what that means.
And what she can do.
She learns about wells of power by accident. She's not after power. Not yet.
It's a novel concept that power doesn't just flow through one family ancestral line, but it can be connected to a group, to a location, to an idea. She lived her life so rigidly. Under terms. And her fellow "heirs," more strictly.
Freedom is ... still stifling.
She doesn't realize how stifling until she receives a message out of the blue. She never deleted Jaq's number. And she wasn't going to be the one to block it. If she ever needed anything.
She would be there. She'd go back in a heartbeat.
She just thought she'd do it herself. When she was ready. Will she ever be ready? )
[Not if Max isn't. The one person who has never left her, for better or worse. She won't leave him. He needs to be ready to leave with her.
She stares at her response for a long moment, before she decides to keep it relatively light.]
Because you woke up early or stayed up too late?
[Jaqueline doesn't think she's ever seen a sunrise. She's always liked her sleep too much. She also doesn't think they can talk about nothing forever, but she thinks it's a much better option than otherwise.]
( Except for the occasional hedonistic letting go ceremony. Which is literally just going to a bar in the village. There isn't much balance between the two. It's a collective. Everyone is an equal. )
( She's been feeling restless, like nothing is enough. Knowledge, friendship, silence, piece. Nothing. It's like Jaq sensed it. Like she needs something to shake things up. She might not last long where she is. And she may incite chaos in the meantime, leaving it in her wake. )
["Good for you" feels too sarcastic and she doesn't want this to become that. She's possibly incapable of restraining her barbs on a good day.
She also doesn't want to barge in with what's actually bothering her either. Because she knows what Sierra will say, and it will only make things worse when she says no. So she'll transition to something more neutral.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
somanyadjectives) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
everyonelives2025-07-26 07:05 pm
flashback | baltimore
She has a best friend and she has a man pre-determined to be her fiancé and she has a brother, but they don't tell her things. She sees the best friend and the fiancé swapping secrets in corners and having mixed conversations that she isn't invited to. There's her brother having conversations with her mother, crafting him to be the ideal child, the expected child, not the bonus twin saddled with the miasma of nightmares.
She tries not to let that bother her. She's not very good at it, but she tries. She's seventeen. It's not like she has a choice.
She's supposed to be spending the evening with David. They're supposed to be having a "date." He loves her, she knows this. She can see it in the way he protects or will snipe back at her parents if given the opportunity. But it's not a love that's real. She can't really judge him though. She's not in love with him either. But she's willing to cling to him if it means she'll have a partner she can trust, and not be forced onto her parents' darling of the week.
David promises he'll continue to protect her. He doesn't promise that he'll be on time for their dates.
He was supposed to help his parents with a ritual, and then meet her for dinner. He did not show up for dinner, so she went looking. What she does see is David stepping out into the room, and turning to look at her with pitch-black eyes. He winks at her, oh so casually, and then disappears.
Jaqueline stares in the empty space, unsure as to what to do, but when she hears his parents stumbling towards the door, she is snapped into action. She turns and runs, heading into the Harper wing, to Sierra's room, and disappearing inside without knocking. She leans back against the door and stares back at her, unsure how to put it into words.]
David's possessed.
no subject
But hers.
Maybe she's broken. Maybe her parents do love her. Maybe they are the odd ones out.
But, for whatever reason, they all live with one another. And they're betrothed and promised across people. She's been told there was someone for her, but plans change. She's even been told she can choose for herself one day.
She already has chosen, but nobody knows. She has a deeper connection with Jacqueline. She always has. Since they were children. Since they practiced kissing as young teens. Since they snuck into one another's beds when their parents were off on business, or on the nights they let the girls have their "little sleepovers."
But something is off, because even her parents are weird this week. Absent in a way they didn't ask about her dressage, or her piano lessons. She knows it's time. Something shifted. Something would always have shifted.
Jacqueline interrupts her packing. She looks up, vulnerable. )
I was going to leave word for where I ended up. ( Confused, she speaks again. ) David's what?
no subject
[She won't deny the way her gut drops out from under her at the sight of the suitcase. She wants to scream don't you leave me too but she swallows it, as she swallows most things. She can't imagine that asking her to stay would bear enough weight to outweigh all the other plans on the table.
So she stuffs down the emotions and tries to turn the despair into anger. Anger is a much easier fuel.]
I saw the eyes before he disappeared.
no subject
( She zips her bag for emphasis. Her black hoodie sits on her guiltily, unzipped. She leaves her bag there and comes around her bed. )
What happened exactly. At dinner?
no subject
[Jaqueline can't keep her eyes off the zipped bag, the promise that Sierra would soon be leaving her too. But she answers the question all the same.]
He was supposed to help his parents with a ritual beforehand, and then come to dinner but he was late. Later than usual. So I went to see where he was, and that's when I saw the demon leaving.
no subject
no subject
I don't know. But I didn't want you to run into him and think he was David.
[Not without checking first. But now, she can't put aside the suitcase any longer.]
Where are you going?
no subject
I have a friend in New York. ( But New York isn't the final destination. ) I want to disappear. For just a while. ( She gives her a pained look. Sierra knows she can't ask Jaq to come with her, even if she wants it. ) You don't feel like all of this is wrong? Our entire childhoods? David's possessed, Jaq. And who knows where. And your brother's -- ( Enough breath is wasted on him. ) You're the only thing right in my life and --
( And even then, she's also - a little wrong. For her. For everyone. For her family. She hates having the thought. )
I just need time.
no subject
[She knows how David and Sierra feel about her brother but Max isn't what they think he is. He's a product of the system, just like the rest of them, and she wants to believe her brother would choose her, if given the choice.
It may be a lie she tells herself, but he's still her twin. Sometimes it feels like he's the other half of her heart walking outside her body.]
If I'm the only right thing, then why are you leaving me here?
[She wants to understand, she does. But she's not sure she can because Sierra is right in that she can't run away. Her mother - or worse, her grandmother - will come to drag her back.]
no subject
no subject
She would joke that she needs to have a heart for that, but her heart is there. She needs to shield it in a briar of thorns in order to keep it away from her determined mother, the snide comments of her father. Is she truly built so well to survive?
It hurts that Sierra thinks that she'll never leave. That she can't do the things she wants to do. It hurts that she thinks that her parents are any better and maybe they are. But they still raised her here.]
Fine. Then go. But I can't promise I'll be here when you get back.
[Not as she is now. Not as the person who offers her trust to Sierra wholeheartedly. If Sierra leaves her here with no other recourse, then Jaqueline will not apologize for who she'll have to become and what soft parts of her she'll have to turn to stone.]
no subject
( She won't. She'll try. She tries to move forward, to take her secret girlfriend in her arms. )
no subject
Still, she can't help but give her something:]
Good luck.
no subject
( She knows there isn't anything else to say. Or, do. She can't fix this. She can't change her mind. She doesn't do that. She never has. She broke it. Maybe Jaq and her were the only intact thing in her broken mirror of a life.
But, she broke that, too.
She leaves Jaq to her anger and returns to the bed, pulling the strap up from the bag. )
You're really gonna leave it like this?
no subject
[How else did you expect to leave this, Sierra? With no warning, no conversation?]
Were you even going to say goodbye? If David hadn't gotten fucking possessed, would we even have this?
[It doesn't feel like they would have.]
no subject
I thought it would be harder.
no subject
[So no. She doesn't get a pretty, pleasant goodbye when she's not going to be treated like enough of an equal to get a damn goodbye.]
I'm not going to pretend to be happy about it. And I'm not going to let you just pat me on the head on your way out the door. So take what you get and go.
no subject
no subject
What she will do is steal her father's whiskey, drink half the bottle and make herself Max's problem. He'll worry, especially because she's not going to tell him why, not really. Maybe let him think it's about David's being possessed and she's oh-so-broken up about her fiance being missing.
The Harpers will also ask her some questions later, but fortunately she has no answers to give. She retreats, focuses on her coding and her computers, and decides not to give a fuck about other people for a while.
Days turn into months turn into almost a year and a half before a bad fight with her father has her reaching for her phone. She doesn't know if Sierra is using the same number, but she sends a text to it all the same. Even if it's just talking into the ether, maybe it would make her feel better.]
Are you alive?
no subject
She lies low with one of the teachers. One of the only adults in her life she feels like she can trust. It's overstepping on both parts but she could read between the lines and offered her sanctuary.
She missed Jacqueline more than anything. She worries. One call a month later goes unanswered. A text three months later - well, maybe she's blocked. She doesn't know. By then, she's focusing on her craft. She's out of the country. She's holistic. She's breathing. Life isn't about things and power and consolidation. She's Sierra and she's only starting to understand what that means.
And what she can do.
She learns about wells of power by accident. She's not after power. Not yet.
It's a novel concept that power doesn't just flow through one family ancestral line, but it can be connected to a group, to a location, to an idea. She lived her life so rigidly. Under terms. And her fellow "heirs," more strictly.
Freedom is ... still stifling.
She doesn't realize how stifling until she receives a message out of the blue. She never deleted Jaq's number. And she wasn't going to be the one to block it. If she ever needed anything.
She would be there. She'd go back in a heartbeat.
She just thought she'd do it herself. When she was ready. Will she ever be ready? )
I watched the sunrise.
no subject
She stares at her response for a long moment, before she decides to keep it relatively light.]
Because you woke up early or stayed up too late?
[Jaqueline doesn't think she's ever seen a sunrise. She's always liked her sleep too much. She also doesn't think they can talk about nothing forever, but she thinks it's a much better option than otherwise.]
no subject
( Except for the occasional hedonistic letting go ceremony. Which is literally just going to a bar in the village. There isn't much balance between the two. It's a collective. Everyone is an equal. )
no subject
[Which may translate to how cult-ish, but she really isn't one to talk when she's in the cult of all cults if you're looking at the BITE model.
Behavioral control? Check.
Informational control? Check.
Thought control? They're trying.
Emotion control? Trying that too.
She tries not to be a hypocrite if she can help it.]
no subject
( She's been feeling restless, like nothing is enough. Knowledge, friendship, silence, piece. Nothing. It's like Jaq sensed it. Like she needs something to shake things up. She might not last long where she is. And she may incite chaos in the meantime, leaving it in her wake. )
no subject
She also doesn't want to barge in with what's actually bothering her either. Because she knows what Sierra will say, and it will only make things worse when she says no. So she'll transition to something more neutral.]
They're hiring Damian Jericho to go after David.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)