for the rest of us death will be a relief

[praevaricatio]

Comments

[unforgivably]

I don't know. I had seen monsters all my life. Men were monsters. On the battlefield. Our father. Katherine was delicate and playful and insufferable, the fact that she was a monster, it didn't matter. She wasn't monstrous..

( He needs to unpack it further, but that's his surface-level, I don't want to quite dig into that further yet. Though, he knows he will. He leaves it open to probe. )

[bravebartender]

She was your monster, rather than one being wielded against you.

[A sentiment she understands all too well. She spent more time calling Klaus on his shit than it seems Damon did with Katherine, but she understands the comfort of having a monster who cares most for you, who will do what it takes to protect you but never show you the same harm.]

But at the same time she wasn't, not really. She was Stefan's monster too. Did that ever make you angry?

[unforgivably]

Not then. I knew who she was and what she was doing. I didn't mind sharing. I shared everything with Stefan. ( Except for near catatonia, PTSD from being a desserter, the abuse at the hands of his father... ) But, she went and faked her death. We thought she'd died in a church fire. And our father learned we were vampire sympathizers, Stefan, because he was compelled - or, so he believes, I can't say one way or another - anyway, our father shot us. Each. And we died with Katherine's blood in our systems.

[bravebartender]

[Her eyebrows go up and she makes another note. Yeah, they're definitely going to have to come back to Giuseppe at some point. But she doesn't want to divert too much from the topic at hand.]

Was that the end of your relationship? After you turned, when was the next time you saw Katherine?

[unforgivably]

That was the end of our relationship. The next time I saw Katherine, I didn't know it was Katherine. I thought she was Elena.

( And her kissed her on her front porch. Well, she kissed him. )

[bravebartender]

[She nods once.]

So why such a long gap between relationships? That had to be what? A century? Century and a half? Did you just not meet the right person?

[unforgivably]

I didn't say I didn't have relationships. First, I denounced even having a brother because Stefan insisted we finish our transition, so that put a damper on my romantic possibilities. But, I had dalliances and flirtations. And then, there was Charlotte. We met in 1942 in New Orleans. We were seeing each other and she learned what I was and insisted I turned her. I loved her, too, so I did.

( He clearly has more to say, but it's good to give her the pieces and not long diatribes. )

[bravebartender]

How did that work out?

[Clearly it didn't last. Did she not take to being a vampire?]

[unforgivably]

It worked for a time. She was obsessed with me. Which I liked for a while, but then it got old. She was also in love with me before I turned her, so, you can probably put those dots together.

( She was his first siring. )

It wasn't until years later that I put two and two together. History repeated itself with Elena. At first, anyway.

[bravebartender]

[Cami's brow furrows because she does know something about sire bonds. They're supposed to be incredibly rare, outside of specific hybrid-Mikaelson situations.]

Two sire bonds. That sounds unlucky. How did you feel when you realized that that was part of your connection?

[unforgivably]

With her or with Elena.

( Aren't they two different thoughts? )

[bravebartender]

[They may, they may not. The sire bond itself is it's own entity.]

Either. Both. But let's start with Elena, since she's the one who brought you here.

[unforgivably]

I pushed her away. I was convinced it was the sirebond that even wanted her with me. She fought to convince me it was the other way around. It took me a long time to believe it. And a lot happened in between.

( Maybe things that could have been prevented, if he were there for her. But he never felt he was worthy in the first place. To feel like there was this caveat there. It felt right. Like, of course that's why Elena loves me. Wants me. )

[bravebartender]

How long did you have feelings for her before you got together?

[She knows, vaguely, that Elena and Stefan were together, but she's not sure how long Damon was invested in her.]

[unforgivably]

Not long in the grand scheme of a human life, but I realized I had feelings for her... five months into meeting her. I kissed Katherine, I thought it was her. It was Founders Day. We kissed seven months after that. Elena and me. Stefan was off the rails, dimmer-switching, and she was... conflicted. We kissed again on a road trip to get her brother back. Then, Blonde Ambition insisted she see if there's still something between her and Stefan. She chose Stefan, officially, and then she died. Anyway, it was November 28th, after the Miss Mystic Falls pageant. We drank a little, we danced a little. We kissed. So. Less than a year, February - November.

( A while. )

[bravebartender]

[Cami nods.]

So you had these romantic feelings for her, but she had chosen Stefan. Then suddenly she chooses you. And then how long before you realized she was sired to you?

[unforgivably]

The next fucking day.

( Excuse his language and he fists a handful of air because he hasn't thought about it like that. )

We had our first night together and Stefan and Caroline put their heads together and figured out she was sired to me.

[bravebartender]

[Cami's job is to keep her feelings out of it, but she won't lie and say that part of her isn't relieved. Not that it couldn't have happened sooner, but at least they figured it out before it goes too far. Her personal feelings stay off her face, however, because right now, this isn't about Elena.]

That must have been heartbreaking.

[That the person you clearly cared for may or may not have any real feelings for you. That it may just be a trick of the magic that made them vampires.]

[unforgivably]

I wanted it to be all her. It wasn't fair to her and so I separated us.

( He took Donovan and Little Gilbert to the cabin and Elena stayed behind. )

[bravebartender]

Did you manage to break the bond?

[There are a lot of different ways you can do it, from her understanding.]

[unforgivably]

Technically? She broke it, first, by turning off her humanity. When Stefan, me, and her friend Matt got it back, we knew the sirebond was gone. She wasn't listening to me, anymore. Doing what I told her to do. Which, for the record, I never did. It was even when I said something casual. Anyway, once she worked through her anger, she chose me. And then she shoved the cure we were all trying to give her down Katherine's throat, but that's irrelevant.

[bravebartender]

[Cami nods, Katherine and Elena's dynamic is not why we're here.]

So she chose you, and you were together, no sire bond. What happened next?

[unforgivably]

We were together. And, it was good, for like, a summer. And then I had to keep secrets and we got in the middle of Stefan being a doppelganger, which was fun, and then I was captured by vampire scientists. Also fun. Katherine had a whole deathbed party - we had the party, she was on her deathbed - and without us knowing, she stole Elena's body. She then proceeded to break-up with me, though Elena tried to run back the last time she had a hold of her body and the permanence spell went through. Angry at everything, I killed one of her friends on campus. He also held the namesake of the college that had captured me. Also, I had a vampire killing virus inside me. We figured out Katherine, but she injected herself with the virus before going not at all gentle into that bad, bad night. Elena came back, realized I had fucked up. We had this toxic push-and-pull and we were off for a while, and then... when it all came down to it, she recommitted and said I was her home. And I agreed. This was all ( He holds a hand up, one finger ) one school year. And this was all before Bonnie and I got sucked into oblivion and everyone then thought we'd died.

[bravebartender]

[Cami's eyebrows go up as she listens to all of that because ... wow.

She's taking a lot of notes. They're going to have to spin off some of those events, but she still wants to look at the full narrative.]

I heard Mystic Falls was brutal but ... that seems more intense than I expected.

[unforgivably]

Yeah, you don't want to hear about Elena's junior and senior year. That was even more breakneck. Anyway, I was dead and Elena was inconsolable. So much so that she convinced my best friend to erase all her memories of our relationship.

( He just wants that button to drop. )