but oh what a year

[patrols]

Comments

[acdc_rules]

[Ben flinches at the door slam and feels his heartbeat ringing in his ears. He's too angry to be able to process any of that. He needs to be somewhere else, not in this cramped space with feelings he doesn't know how to handle.

So he does go. There's a second door slam as he leaves the room, and another, softer door close as he leaves the B&B entirely.

Fresh air. Fresh air will help him get his shit together, and try to figure out how to feel.]

[camber]

( Dickerson stays in the bathroom a long time as he cools off. He braces himself against the sink and then decides he needs to wash the last ten minutes away, so he starts the shower. He takes a quick one, just letting the hot water cascade over him as he stands under the showerhead.

Emerging, he picks his Christmas party fit, because they still have a party to go to. Dressed, he sits on the edge of the fucking shared bed they have. )

[nextproject]

[It's hard to miss the raised voices when you're right next to each other in a B&B. The walls are not exactly sound proof and while Rudy doesn't know what the conversation is about, exactly, it sounded tense, and he'd be a poor parental figure if he didn't at least check in.

He knows one of them left, and then he hears the shower going, so he waits and eventually comes around to knock lightly on the door.]

Everything okay in there?

[camber]

( He looks up at the door as if he's been caught. They probably heard everything. Their room is right next door. With a deep angsty sigh like a teenager, he pulls himself off the end of the bed and goes to answer the door. )

Hey, Rudy.

( He gestures for him to come inside, because he doesn't need to have this conversation in a hallway, and because they're alone. Closing the door behind him, he lingers there, not knowing what else to say. )

[nextproject]

[Rudy comes inside, letting the door close behind him, and then looks Dickerson over. He doesn't want to make assumptions about what the fight was about. But given the close quarters they are set up in, he's willing to be a listening ear.]

Want to talk about what happened?

[camber]

( He rubs the back of his neck. )

I have shit timing, like always. ( A beat passes. ) I may have thrown myself at Ben.

[nextproject]

[Rudy nods slowly. He doesn't seem surprised by this development. He has eyes and understands people, part of him figured that eventually one of them was going to make a move.

Didn't really expect it to end like this though.]

And I'm guessing that Ben didn't take it well.

[camber]

I just wanted him to feel better, if he wanted to pause all the worrying, his nervousness, but he thinks I was trying to make him feel what I thought he should. Said I didn't need to fix him.

( It was a rough talk. )

I love him and I chose now to not tell him. I just went and planted one on him. And he kissed back. At first.

[nextproject]

I won't speak for him on what his feelings are.

[He doesn't think Dickerson's feelings are unrequited, but he won't speak for Ben. That won't solve the problem.]

And I can see where you had good intentions. Why did you think that was the approach?

[camber]

We were laying there. It just - I wanted to. I've wanted to for a long freakin' time.

( He gestures, palm flat. )

Like I said. Super shit timing.

[nextproject]

If you wanted to, why haven't you done it sooner? You've both been single for a while.

[There have been other opportunities. Why was this moment the one he chose?]

[camber]

( Maybe he did it now because he knew it wouldn't go right, cause it would crash everything before it starts. )

Cause I'm a coward.

[nextproject]

[Rudy nods slowly.]

Relationships are hard. Especially when it's one that you're trying to transition into something different - something more intimate - it needs to be something both sides are ready for.

[A pause.]

Have the two of you talked about it at all?

[cholesterol]

( It's Dean's idea to show Elena and Damon's kids (he knows who they are deep down, they just need the results) the main square. When you're in Mystic Falls, you eat at the Grille and Gray's mouth is still agape at learning the Damon here owned it.

Dean's sticking close to Steph, due to the clinic bonding they did, but he also flanks his girlfriend.

It's a wholesome outing. )

[acdc_rules]

[Ben starts off just planning to take a walk around the block. He'll lap the block, cool off, and then head back and get ready for the party. He should probably ask and see if they have a separate room on the way up. He knows that he doesn't have the mental space to deal with this and his future conversation with Dean, so this is getting shoved to a side bar until that is done.

He thinks about calling Taylor, decides that his best friend kissing him is not worthy of a therapist emergency and calls Helene instead. This, unfortunately, would prove to be a mistake. One, because instead of going around the block like he originally planned he just kept walking, leading him to a part of Mystic Falls he is not familiar with.

Two, because Helene is a shithead, and he knows this about her and yet some part of his brain still thought she might be helpful.

First, she laughed. A lot. Which only proved to piss him off more. Then, she asked if they were going to stop sublimating their feelings for each other by fucking her instead of actually fucking each other, and he responds to that with a vehement.]

Fuck you.

[And then he hangs up on her. And then he looks up and realizes one, he's walked much farther than he intended to and has no idea where he is and/or how to get back to the B&B, and two, he's standing in front of Dean. And Elena. And three strangers he does not know, two of which seem younger. He can't tell if they're teenagers or adults who just look young because supernatural, so his face is immediately apologetic.]

Shit.

[Then he realizes that's probably not what he should have said either and comes back with:]

Sorry. I didn't mean to ... sorry. Hi.

[cholesterol]

( Dean, Damon, Elena, Gray, and Stephanie catch the tail-end of his conversation before he sees them. )

Ben, hey. ( Seeing as they are in mixed company, he decides to skip the phone call as a topic and skip to introductions. ) You remember Elena. This is Damon, Stephanie, and Gray. Everyone, this is Ben. My son. We were gonna grab a bite at the Grille, you want to come with?

( Rough call, his tone says, and he hopes he takes them up on his offer. )

[acdc_rules]

[There's a bit of a deer in the headlights expression on his face and Elena will take the cue. And given well the Stephanie of it all, she doesn't want them to just stand there gawking at them so ... she wraps an arm around Stephanie's shoulder, pulling her towards the door.

"Why don't we go in and grab a table. You guys come in whenever you're ready."

And if you're not, that's also okay is there in her tone and Ben nods, shoving his hands into his pockets.]

Yeah, okay. Thanks, Elena.

[cholesterol]

( Gray agrees without a horse in the race. Damon is glad to leave the dad-son drama, but, can't hide the surprise he's experiencing. Dean's son? Damon holds the door open for his kids and Elena, gives one more look back at the scene before Dean and Ben are left alone on the street. )

You want to take a walk instead?

[acdc_rules]

Sure.

[That's what he was doing, might as well do some more. He lets Dean lead in terms of direction, and just moves to follow, trying to calm his swirling thoughts because calling to speak to his good friend clearly didn't help.]

Again, sorry. I didn't realize anyone else was around.

[cholesterol]

( He just continues the walk around the building to the steps behind. )

You don't have anything you need to apologize for. Not every call's going to be great. You want to talk about it or not talk about it?

[acdc_rules]

[He sighs, his hand coming up to rub at his forehead as he tries to figure out how to put it into words that doesn't go into all of the details because well ... his sexuality hasn't been a conversation that he and Dean have had and while he doesn't think he'll be shitty about it, he'll possibly be awkward about it and that's not really the point.]

Dickerson and I got into a fight, and I called Helene because I weirdly thought that being my friend she might be supportive and listen and in my anger forgot that she would feel the need to give me shit about it first.

[There's a small tinge of fondness to it, because he's not mad at her, exactly, it just compounded on the already existing issue.]

[cholesterol]

Friends give each other shit. Probably aren't real friends if they don't.

( He listens to what's behind it, though. )

Sounds like you're not surprised. Did she help underneath the shit giving?

[acdc_rules]

We didn't get that far.

[Not really. Usually how this goes, there's the big fuck you and he comes back around again when he's deflated some. Dean interrupted in the middle.]

She'll probably eventually call back if I don't. It just ... feels like people aren't really listening to me lately.

[And almost reflexively, almost as though he wants to head it off:]

Not you. Just ... in general.

[cholesterol]

I get it. Sometimes, you don't feel heard. People tell you what they think, but they don't get it. Think they know best. You need help, you'd ask.

( They're similar like that, Dean and Ben. )

What's she supposed to be listening about. You and Dickerson get into fights before? Comes with the territory when you're close with someone. I hear it's even healthy.

[acdc_rules]

Yeah, or if you're trying to say something they just don't seem to want to hear it.

[Because at the end of the day, that's what sparked it. The fact that he was trying to say something about this thing that's hard for him, and Dickerson felt like the best move was to turn it into something else. It's not the kiss or the person behind it but the fact that in that moment, Dickerson wasn't really in it with him. His mind was elsewhere, not actually listening to what Ben was saying.

Or at least that's how it felt. He shrugs at the question.]

Yeah, we've fought before but mostly about stupid shit. This ... I think we were going to have to confront it eventually, the timing just really sucked.