[Would there be a point to denying it? No. Is Dean about to be very angry? Yes. Does this make Cas' silence on the matter better? Also no.]
Since that is not a question, I assume you are not looking for an answer.
[It's childish of him, but he also doesn't think that Dean is looking to have a conversation about this. Dean wants to yell at him, as the representative for all angels, so he might as well let him get it over with.
Because of course, Heaven knew. Michael was principled enough to not want to posses a child to force Dean's hand, but the rest of Heaven wasn't above using it as a manipulation tactic if needed.]
Really. You were there, the Hell Sam and I went through with Adam. With Zachariah. Hell, they freakin resurrected him and you didn't think I needed to know there could've been another pawn on their celestial dick-Chessboard? ( He looks away, watching Cas' reflection in the TV behind them. ) You erased everything about me from his life.
[Castiel doesn't move, doesn't sit. This conversation doesn't feel like a casual one, and he will stand and be ready for the battle that is coming. All he came to do that night was heal Lisa and apologize to Dean. Dean was the one who upped the ante. Dean is the one who made the choice.
Castiel assumed that it meant Dean didn't want to know.]
It wasn't my secret to tell. If Michael indicated that he intended to use the child to force your hand, I would have. But prior to you going to live with them, I didn't know that they were important to you.
( Because, until he let them be, they weren't. And by the time they burrowed into his heart, he wasn't good for either one of them. )
I remember you bringing Sam back. Bringing Samuel. You were well aware I was playing house and who I was doing it with. Don't blame me for you keeping your souls under wraps and being surprised when we didn't take it well.
That has nothing to do with why I didn't tell you about Ben. Don't you think if that was all it was about I would have played that card?
[Castiel had asked Dean to stand down, and he wouldn't. He could have pushed the buttons that he knew would get him the result he wanted and he didn't.
That time wasn't exactly the best for their relationship.]
And who's to say that you would have even believed me, for exactly that reason. I wasn't exactly high on the list of people you trusted at the time. Would you rather I wave Ben's paternity around like some kind of trump card? I am not his mother. Why should I have been the one to tell you? If Lisa didn't, I assume she had a reason.
You know, Cas, I knew all angels had dick capacity, but until now I forgot how bad you all can be.
( And if things were any lighter, he would pause and acknowledge how that sounded, but he's too pissed. )
You don't need to remind me I'm damaged goods, thanks. ( His fingers retract back into a fist, the bottom of his hand knocking against the table. ) I think we're done here.
[That wasn't what he meant, Dean. Why do you do that? But he can read the dismissal as clearly as anything else, so he sets his jaw in frustration and does as requested. He disappears.
As easily dismissed as he is summoned.
Twenty minutes later, Dean's phone begins to ring, Sam's name flashing on the caller ID.]
He's only another glass in, now sitting on the front astroturf and watching a happy foreign family in the pool down below. He knows he was cold. He knows he was the dick. He knows it's not black and freaking white.
He answers, finally. He wants to blurt out that he's entitled to how he feels. But, instead, he answers like every hunter answers. Just in case it's not Sam and someone's spoofing Sam. Freaking habit. )
[In some ways, their expanded social circle has benefitted Sam in a lot of ways. It's one thing to be the only person to handle Dean's moods. Now he can outsource them to their mother. Or Dean's girlfriend. In fact, he would much rather hand it off to Elena, but unfortunately for Sam, she's on-call for the hospital so she can't really be on the phone working through why Cas showed up late at night to say "Dean is mad at me for things I can't control, please make him be reasonable."
(Also, he checked, and she's already on the phone.)
It's not exactly what Cas said, but it was in the look. After over a decade, Sam at least understands the looks.
So Sam sighs picks up his phone, and when he does answer his tone isn't judgmental one way or another. He just wants to understand what's wrong.]
( Or, anyone? Why is he pissed at Cas. Let him count the number of ways Cas continues to keep everything close to the vest and then they just end up with jack, squat, or some combination therein. )
Well, in the past, I would already be there and already know why you're mad and would be able to slowly talk you down off the ledge over the course of several weeks. I think he figured since I'm not actually there, he'd bring the fact that you were pissed to my attention.
[Full little brother entitlement in his tone here. He doesn't particularly care about why Dean is mad, but Cas is annoyed enough to fix it.]
Also he saved my life in San Francisco so apparently I owe him one. Why are you mad?
Allison and I got pulled into some kind of pocket world by the minions of the witches we were looking to salt and burn. I called, Cas came, and he took out some of the minions before they could get us.
[It takes a second before Sam connects the dots. Like yes, of course the angels knew all the members of their family. They were obsessed with the Winchesters, in order to ensure that they had all the ... oh.
Oh.
They would know that, wouldn't they?]
You're mad because Cas didn't tell you.
[Again, his tone is relatively neutral. He can understand why Dean would be upset about that. But he's also not going to get angry on his brother's behalf either.]
( And that doesn't even begin to cover it. But, go on Sam. Smooth it on over. Make this better somehow. Because he can't get around it. Ben's messed up. And it's his fault. (Dean's, not Cas'. But he has to be mad at someone. )
Because what I'm hearing is that you're mad about him keeping a secret that wasn't his to tell in the first place. Revealing who Ben's father was wasn't on him, it was on Lisa.
And Lisa didn't even know, Sam. Didn't even ask. Just assumed I wasn't. Or, lived with me with an entire year and didn't say a damn word. You know what they meant to me. You know he felt like my kid. He was my kid, Sam.
( Except, he IS and he always WAS. No matter what he said. )
[He pauses trying to figure out what the problem is.]
Look, man, up until now I figured that Lisa and Ben were like ... your Stanford. You tried to pretend that everything else wasn't shitty and violent and awful and just ... have the life you always wanted. And just like Stanford it all came crashing down in the truly spectacular fashion that was our lives back then.
We all made shitty choices that year. But would Cas telling you then have actually made anything better?
[Sam speaks as someone who was raised by both Dean and John Winchester. There are things he'd trust Dean with that he would never give to John. Dean always kept him safe, even if it isn't the kind of safety Sam would prefer.]
And you made mistakes, but you can try and do better. You have a choice now.
[Not to say that they didn't have choices then, but feels far more open than it used to be.]
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everyonelives2025-07-26 07:05 pm
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Since that is not a question, I assume you are not looking for an answer.
[It's childish of him, but he also doesn't think that Dean is looking to have a conversation about this. Dean wants to yell at him, as the representative for all angels, so he might as well let him get it over with.
Because of course, Heaven knew. Michael was principled enough to not want to posses a child to force Dean's hand, but the rest of Heaven wasn't above using it as a manipulation tactic if needed.]
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Really. You were there, the Hell Sam and I went through with Adam. With Zachariah. Hell, they freakin resurrected him and you didn't think I needed to know there could've been another pawn on their celestial dick-Chessboard? ( He looks away, watching Cas' reflection in the TV behind them. ) You erased everything about me from his life.
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[Castiel doesn't move, doesn't sit. This conversation doesn't feel like a casual one, and he will stand and be ready for the battle that is coming. All he came to do that night was heal Lisa and apologize to Dean. Dean was the one who upped the ante. Dean is the one who made the choice.
Castiel assumed that it meant Dean didn't want to know.]
It wasn't my secret to tell. If Michael indicated that he intended to use the child to force your hand, I would have. But prior to you going to live with them, I didn't know that they were important to you.
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( Because, until he let them be, they weren't. And by the time they burrowed into his heart, he wasn't good for either one of them. )
I remember you bringing Sam back. Bringing Samuel. You were well aware I was playing house and who I was doing it with. Don't blame me for you keeping your souls under wraps and being surprised when we didn't take it well.
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[Castiel had asked Dean to stand down, and he wouldn't. He could have pushed the buttons that he knew would get him the result he wanted and he didn't.
That time wasn't exactly the best for their relationship.]
And who's to say that you would have even believed me, for exactly that reason. I wasn't exactly high on the list of people you trusted at the time. Would you rather I wave Ben's paternity around like some kind of trump card? I am not his mother. Why should I have been the one to tell you? If Lisa didn't, I assume she had a reason.
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( And if things were any lighter, he would pause and acknowledge how that sounded, but he's too pissed. )
You don't need to remind me I'm damaged goods, thanks. ( His fingers retract back into a fist, the bottom of his hand knocking against the table. ) I think we're done here.
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As easily dismissed as he is summoned.
Twenty minutes later, Dean's phone begins to ring, Sam's name flashing on the caller ID.]
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He's only another glass in, now sitting on the front astroturf and watching a happy foreign family in the pool down below. He knows he was cold. He knows he was the dick. He knows it's not black and freaking white.
He answers, finally. He wants to blurt out that he's entitled to how he feels. But, instead, he answers like every hunter answers. Just in case it's not Sam and someone's spoofing Sam. Freaking habit. )
Yeah?
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(Also, he checked, and she's already on the phone.)
It's not exactly what Cas said, but it was in the look. After over a decade, Sam at least understands the looks.
So Sam sighs picks up his phone, and when he does answer his tone isn't judgmental one way or another. He just wants to understand what's wrong.]
Why are you pissed at Cas?
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( Or, anyone? Why is he pissed at Cas. Let him count the number of ways Cas continues to keep everything close to the vest and then they just end up with jack, squat, or some combination therein. )
He came running to you? Really?
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[Full little brother entitlement in his tone here. He doesn't particularly care about why Dean is mad, but Cas is annoyed enough to fix it.]
Also he saved my life in San Francisco so apparently I owe him one. Why are you mad?
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( You first, bitch. )
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Allison and I got pulled into some kind of pocket world by the minions of the witches we were looking to salt and burn. I called, Cas came, and he took out some of the minions before they could get us.
[Not that interesting a story. Your turn.]
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I walked into one of Ben's bars. Kid didn't hit me or yell at me. He actually listened. We shot a game of pool.
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[He lets the silence sit between them, comfortable acknowledgement, before following up with:]
And that led to you being mad at Cas why?
[Oh, did you think Sam was letting go of that bone? No, no he is not.]
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( Ugh, why pick at a scab when it's just starting to form. )
Ben pointed out how all-knowing angels are. You know, the angels that tracked down and resurrected our half-brother to stick Michael inside him.
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[It takes a second before Sam connects the dots. Like yes, of course the angels knew all the members of their family. They were obsessed with the Winchesters, in order to ensure that they had all the ... oh.
Oh.
They would know that, wouldn't they?]
You're mad because Cas didn't tell you.
[Again, his tone is relatively neutral. He can understand why Dean would be upset about that. But he's also not going to get angry on his brother's behalf either.]
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( And that doesn't even begin to cover it. But, go on Sam. Smooth it on over. Make this better somehow. Because he can't get around it. Ben's messed up. And it's his fault. (Dean's, not Cas'. But he has to be mad at someone. )
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I don't think you're wrong for being mad.
[He will validate that much of Dean's feelings.]
But I don't think he can do anything to change that now either.
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( he could've apologized. explained it better. said anything. )
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[That's what Sam's really confused about.]
Because what I'm hearing is that you're mad about him keeping a secret that wasn't his to tell in the first place. Revealing who Ben's father was wasn't on him, it was on Lisa.
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( Except, he IS and he always WAS. No matter what he said. )
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[He pauses trying to figure out what the problem is.]
Look, man, up until now I figured that Lisa and Ben were like ... your Stanford. You tried to pretend that everything else wasn't shitty and violent and awful and just ... have the life you always wanted. And just like Stanford it all came crashing down in the truly spectacular fashion that was our lives back then.
We all made shitty choices that year. But would Cas telling you then have actually made anything better?
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( Or, died trying. Or brought the both of them to the brink, bloody and violent. )
I think about our lives, about the Mark of Cain, being a demon, Michael, Jack. Chuck. I'm dad, man. I've always been dad. I'll always be dad.
( He pushed Ben, attacked him. Went hunter on him when Lisa was in danger. Decided on what was best for him without asking. )
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[Sam speaks as someone who was raised by both Dean and John Winchester. There are things he'd trust Dean with that he would never give to John. Dean always kept him safe, even if it isn't the kind of safety Sam would prefer.]
And you made mistakes, but you can try and do better. You have a choice now.
[Not to say that they didn't have choices then, but feels far more open than it used to be.]
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