i'm leaving you my last curse

[bravebartender]

Comments

[acdc_rules]

So what?!

[He hears the apology, but he's not ready to acknowledge it, not yet. He's still feeling the feelings that have been removed from him for the last twenty years, give or take.]

So you put us somewhere safe, that doesn't mean you get your angel friend to root around in my memories and take you out.

[It wasn't my fault, why was I the one punished is on the tip of his tongue, but he forces it back.]

It was my life, Dean. You don't get to rewrite it without at least having a damn conversation first. I don't care if I was a kid.

[cholesterol]

( His "fine" tone rouses his mother, behind Rudy as she comes to. Her eyes cross Dean and soften when they land on her son, letting him rant.

Inside the kitchen, Dickerson stops mid-sentence about vampires, leaving Elena and instinctively returning to the living room. (Assuming Elena might follow.)

Lisa doesn't need a shouting match here this morning and she thinks everyone should go to their corners, so she stands up.

"Dean, I think you should leave now."

He looks back at Rudy, to Ben, Lisa, back to Dick, then finding Elena. Back to Ben. )

I'll give you some time.

[acdc_rules]

Good.

[He turns away as he tries to catch his breath a bit, while Elena moves forward and reaches to take Dean's hand in hers.

"It was nice meeting you. I left the hotel we're staying at with Dickerson if you need anything."

But with that, she will let Dean take her back to the car, leaving the Braedans to sort out the pieces of their lives they just got back.]

[cholesterol]

( Dean wants to hug the kid. His kid. But he knows nothing will be accomplished right now. It can't be. Too many hurt feelings all around and a live-in therapist. The best friend doesn't help, either.

He drives Elena back to the hotel in silence and lets her check in. Once they reach their room, he drops his hastily packed bag down and sighs. )

Think I'll check out the bar downstairs.

[braveandstupid]

[Elena glances briefly at her watch before looking back at him.]

It's not quite noon yet. Bar probably isn't open.

[Her tone is gentle, not judging because after the morning they've had, she'd probably want a drink too. Which is why she she head to the mini-bar instead and hold up one of the little whiskeys.]

But we could try the mini-bar instead? And maybe talk about it a little, where you don't have to worry about anyone else's feelings?

[cholesterol]

( Right. Hotel bars. There's probably one nearby and he changes his plan in his mind before watching her move to the little mini bar.

She's right. He's following the shit end of his instincts. He still needs to call Sam. He's not his dad. His dad wouldn't have cared enough to erase anyone's memories. He would've left the devastation. )

He should be angry with me. They should both be. From their end. Twenty-some years later. But I'm getting raked over the calls for a split second decision I felt like I had to make?

[braveandstupid]

You were trying to protect them. I get that.

[She's been there. She's messed with her own brothers memories more than once under the guise of protecting him.]

I think it's an instinct we all - trying to do what we think is best or easier, based on what's within our power to do.

[cholesterol]

( Rudy held that mirror up to him.

Dean moves to grab two empty glasses and brings them over to Elena and the mini bar. He hopes there's a little ice bucket, too.

He doesn't wait for her to pour it, however, he just paces back. )

It makes me the bad guy. I don't mind being the bad guy. I fit the bill, but the last person I want to be. With him. -- I can't be the bad guy in his story Elena. Did I fuck this up before it even started?

[braveandstupid]

[She does pour, and there is a bucket but for now it's empty. She'll run and get some after they talk. She passes one glass over to him before shrugging.]

I think you fucked up, but I don't think it's beyond repair. I think if you give them some time to breathe, you'll be able to find a place to start.

[She tips her head to the side as she watches him.]

Can I ask you something?

[cholesterol]

( He leans, taking the glass, leaning against one of the bureaus, looking down into his glass. )

You might not like the answer.

( But that's never stopped either of them. )

[braveandstupid]

[She's not asking for an answer she likes. She just wants to know the truth. She takes a deep breath, before making her way closer, leaning next to him as she figures out how to phrase this.]

Why erase yourself completely? Why not invent a breakup or give them a nicer ending than it actually had?

[For all the times that there's been compulsion involved, she's never tried to erase the trauma completely. Just tried to give it nicer edges, to help that person move on.]

[cholesterol]

If I knew the answer to that, I probably wouldn't have just been kicked out.

( But, that's a copout answer, right? )

I don't know. They deserved a clean break. Maybe... I needed the clean break. Things were bad with Sam and demons found them. And they deserved better than me.

[braveandstupid]

I get that.

[People deserving better than what they get is a common theme in their worlds, for better or worse. Elena could think of so many people who didn't deserve what happened to them.

Her hand reaches up gently, brushing against his cheek and meeting his eyes.]

Just ... if this went bad, I wouldn't want you erased from my story, Dean. I like having you in it. And I think part of the reason why Ben is so upset is that he did too. Demons and all.

[cholesterol]

( She brings this out of him. And maybe he should've said this to Rudy, or hell, his kid. )

I was drowning, Elena. Whole time in that house. Moved on from Sam. And then one day Sam just shows back up and I'm back in it again. Moved Lisa and Ben completely. Stayed in the picture as long as I could, went back on the road with Sammy and -- Lisa knew. I hate that I left the kid behind. But, when I did it. I felt like I had no choice.

( He pauses, closing his eyes and letting himself feel the hand on his cheek. )

I wouldn't do that to you.

[enate]

( She knows how her son must feel, her own head swirls with memories also taken away. Including a clear memory of getting Dean out of town as fast as she could. She remembers telling Dean Ben wasn't his definitively. But also inviting him for a longer weekend should he want one.

And then he was back in their lives. And broken. And then gone all over again.

And she remembers their phone call. She remembers it all.

She goes to the door and locks it behind them before turning around. )

He wasn't lying. Obviously. He was with Ben and me for over a year. And he took that away.

[nextproject]

I think we know how Ben's doing.

[He hasn't exactly been shy with his feelings and Rudy doesn't blame him. It's a lot to take in and wrestle with, side conversation with Dean aside.]

How are you doing?

[enate]

( She laughs to herself, playing it all back. Remembering two nights before. How she was just a candidate for mayor and a business owner with a husband and a son. And now she's Lisa Braeden, Dean Winchester's ex-girlfriend whose memory he tampered with. )

I don't like what I remember, especially at the end. I -- see why he did what he did. That doesn't make it okay.

( And she feels like she owes her son a conversation, too. )

We could defend ourselves. He taught us things. He -- could've put us in even more danger. We never moved. What was stopping that demo --

( She stops herself. )

I remember what happened at the end and, it wasn't good.

( She brings a hand to her head. )

And now my head is reeling. I want to book us all tattoo appointments... ( she frowns, bringing her hand down. ) But, Ben beat us to that. That's one of them. I remember it. Something got through to you.

[acdc_rules]

[Rudy moves closer, placing his hands on her shoulders gently for support and giving them a soft squeeze. When she draws attention to the tattoo, however, he pushes up his sleeve and studies the anti-possession ink mixed in with everything else.

Yeah, something stuck alright. He just wished he understood what that meant.

He drops down onto the couch, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.]

This is all fucked.

[enate]

( She lets herself sink into him for a second while Dickerson moves and sits beside his best friend on the couch. Neither of them know just what to say yet, if there's even one thing to say vs the million things they both could.

Lisa turns her head to face her son and Dickerson, still in Rudy's arms. )

We wanted them back. If that makes us fucked, then it's up to us to figure out how to unfuck everything. Not him. Not this time.

[acdc_rules]

[Ben lets out a deep breath as he sags into the couch, head spinning. A small part of him, the little kid Dean left behind, does want Dean to come back and fix it. Wants to believe that if he does everything will be fine.

But that emotional problem isn't his to untangle, so he's going to focus on what he can fix.]

Everyone needs to get tattoos.

[Rudy pauses, before looking a little green. "Does it have to be a tattoo?" He has a small thing with needles. It's a little embarrassing, but there is a reason why he's a therapist and not a physician, aside from his A+ people skills.]

[enate]

( Dickerson just looks past his buddy to Rudy and then his mom and back.

"Everybody everybody?"

His unasked 'Why' lingers in the air between everyone, but his eyebrows say everything.

Lisa leans back. )

I'll be there. You can get it anywhere, and I will be right next to you or in front of you or wherever you need me, okay?

( "We get to pick the subject of the tattoo?" Dickerson asks, still confused.

Lisa looks back at her son. )

You're getting that. You're both getting that. It... will keep us - all of us from being possessed. By a demon. Which happened to me. The "car accident."

[acdc_rules]

[Rudy makes a face, but he will do it, if that's what they need. This possession thing does not sound like something they want to mess around with.

Ben lifts his arm to point out the part he means to Dickerson before nodding.]

Yeah, I remember that too. You were stabbed pretty bad. Pretty sure all the doctors thought you ...

[Yeah, let's not think about that.]

Anyway. Let's just not fuck with demons.

[enate]

It's an avoidable situation.

( Which is what they should focus on. She shudders and lets go of Rudy, finally, moving back into the middle of the room. Turning to face everyone, she brings her hands together. )

How are you two handling all of this? Ben and I were at least primed. I know you weren't expecting angels and demons.

[nextproject]

It's ... a lot.

[Rudy won't lie and say that he's handling all of this well. It's easy enough to have the human aspect to focus on in the Dean of it all, but now that that's off the table he's forced to look at the bigger picture.

And he can't say he likes it.]

I'm not entirely sure I believe all of it.

[camber]

I believe it.

( He holds his hand up, like he's being called on in class. )

But I don't like it.