everyonelives | i'm leaving you my last curse

How about how you erased our memories in the first place?

[Ben would prefer to go right to the heart of it, rather than dance around things. He glances over at Rudy.]

Because this wasn't just a plain old trauma response. It feels like you brainwashed us somehow.

[Okay so maybe he hasn't quite made it back down from the eleven he was at last night.]

( Of course that's their question right away, and with that, he does sit, because he has to, and they should to. But they won't. And he doesn't blame them. He looks at Elena, then Cas, and back at Ben. )

Cas' full name is Castiel. He's an angel. The work I was in was with the supernatural. I hunted things, like the Changeling when you were eight, and I save people, like you when you were eight. If you had your memories of me, this wouldn't land like it does, and you have every right to throw us out, but I owe you the truth and I'm done not being there for you. He took your memories of me away because you were kidnapped and your mom was manipulated. And, rather than keeping the both of you in danger, I opted to take you out of it entirely. And that's on me.

( pause for laugh. )

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

[Angels? Angels? He's not buying it (3). He can't read Dean well enough to know whether or not what he's saying is the truth, but it feels like a whole lot of bullshit.

"I know it's a lot," Elena says softly. "But there's a lot of layers to the world we live in. Castiel is just one part of it."

Ben scoffs, dismissing this woman who came with the crazy person, before glancing over at Rudy.]

This sounds crazy, right? They're clearly crazy.

[Rudy pauses quietly, studying Dean and Elena both (14). And he's ... well. They certainly both believe what they're saying. Whether it's a shared delusion or something else, he can't really say for sure.

"Hard to say," is what he actually ends up saying, and Ben blinks at him in surprise. "Still on your team, buddy. But they both at least believe that this is true."]

( He knows this is coming, but before he went any further he had to start here.

Something innate in Lisa understands the circumstances, the danger, why she would shield her son from someone like this and Dean speaks with conviction. Outside of her logic brain screaming 'Get him out of there,' she doesn't move.

Dickerson's down-home, bad-guy law enforcement schtick short circuits and he slides one step down accidentally from the crazy (1). )

We believe it's true, because it is. And Cas can restore it all. He can give it all back to you. Both. And he will.

( If they ask. He holds up a hand. )

But I have to say something beforehand. I didn't leave you behind, not like that. My life is complicated. And fucked up. And I left it behind for the year I lived with you and your mom. And then it found me, literally. And things got screwed up again. We broke up. Your mom moved on. But someone came after you. Because of me. And I couldn't let that happen again. Now, I don't know what I would've done. If I had known. I might've done it all over again, because I loved you and I loved your mom. But, you were twelve. I know you don't want to hear this, but I make hard calls. But, you called. And I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. You can ask me anything, no matter how crazy it sounds to your new husband or your friend.

( Boyfriend? Not the time. He wants to know everything about him now Everything about those thirtysome years. )

Edited 2025-03-26 02:48 (UTC)

[Ben doesn't know what to do with any of that information because he's still angry, and he doesn't know what to believe. But he wants those memories back and Rudy knows that he's going to want them back which is why he's going to step in.]

How is this return process going to work exactly? How were they taken in the first place? Because it seems like you were tied, by your own admission, to some traumatic memories, so if we're going to just unleash them, I think it might be best if we try and do this in the way that isn't going to retraumatize my wife and stepson.

[Castiel knows he's supposed to answer that question, but he's an angel so he has no idea how. Elena, on the other hand, tips her head to the side and blinks at him. "Therapist?"

Rudy smirks.]

I am. So you understand why I'm concerned.

They weren't --

( But, his hand going up pauses, because of everything they went through. The kidnapping. Her being possessed.

He takes a second, trying to define exactly how this works. )

There's no how - I sound like friggin Yoda. If you want them back, Castiel can return them. Just like that. In a snap. I know it sounds insane, I know it's not logical or therapeutic. But, he snaps his fingers, if you want him to, and Lisa and Ben will both remember what they can't. I can't say it won't hurt, I can't say there won't be an adjustment. It was bad at the end. And if you want me to preview you the bad, I will.

( Dickerson's (8) has him taking a step off the staircase, hand hovering behind his concealed weapon. )

I know what this sounds like. Do you want Cas to go all angel on you? We can prove it. You're just gonna hate it.

["Go all angel? What - "

Before Ben can finish that question, Castiel sighs, heavily.]

Perhaps it would have been better if we started here.

[The lights in the room flicker and the wall that Castiel has positioned himself against is shrouded in shadows that take shape into feathered wings, reaching up towards the ceiling.]

Does that answer some of your questions?

[Ben stumbles backwards, not sure what to make of that. "Holy shit."]

( Dickerson manages to only back himself into the railing (13), but Lisa jumps out of her skin, knocking down some things off the shelf, including a picture of her, Bed, and Rudy. )

Like I said. Angel.

( Dickerson is not a godly man, but he went to church as a kid and it feels sacreligious to prepare to shoot an angel, so his hand lets go.

"That's--" is all he gets out. )

And that's his parlor trick. Lisa, I wouldn't lie to you. To either of you. And I'm sorry I took it away. I thought I was doing the only thing I could at the time. To keep you safe.

( All she can muster is,

"Why did that have to be your call, Dean?" )

You okay over there, Rudy?

I ...

[Huh. Yeah. That happened. He's fairly unflappable, given his profession, but in all his years as a therapist, he's never really seen anything like that.]

... am processing.

[That's probably the best way to put it.

Okay. Operating with the idea that angels are real, at least. That much he can handle right now.]

And I think Lisa has a valid question. I think there's some concern that because you did it once, there's a chance you could choose to do it again.

I won't. This is opt in. To it all. Unless you don't like what you see. It's not on me anymore. ( he sighs and looks at Lisa again. ) You were in the hospital, Ben was taken, Sam had no soul at the time, and I took the safest option. I'm not the same person I was back then. I have a support system. I didn't come here, guns blazing alone. I came with the solution and with the woman I love. I gota network. A family. I have people.

( to Ben )

You're my people. You never weren't. Blood or not, family's more. Leaving you behind wasn't easy. And, as far as I'm concerned, I won't leave you like that again. And I'm sorry I did.

[Elena can see that as much as Dean means his words, they're not landing. Possibly because these aren't the versions of them he should be apologizing too.]

I have an idea.

[Her hand reaches to take Dean's giving it a small squeeze.]

If you want your memories back, Castiel can do that for you. I booked us a hotel in town. We can go and let you guys process whatever you're going to be getting back, and when you're ready to talk, you can give us a call and we can come back.

[Because it may be easier for Dean to not be in their face, hinging his expectations on this. It may be better if they work through the things they're getting back and talk to Dean when they're ready.]

( Dean knew it would come down to this. He's done this more than a handful of times. Blew someone's world wide open and then given them the space to deal with it. Usually, it's with Sam and Sam pulls him out of there. It's fitting it's Elena this time around. )

And, if you need a sneak preview - I know. But, I'm not going to sit here and force anything on you, or promise it won't hurt. I know what you're thinking and I'd be thinking the same thing, Ben. But, I'd be here with or without a DNA test. I owe it to you. To the both of you. And I know it's all talk, and you got action in your blood, so, ( holding Elena's hand still, he stands ) we're gonna jet. You have my number. Unless there's anything else you want to know. Or, if you have any other questions about anything.

( He waits for Ben, or for Lisa to say something.

Lisa's not clear on what happens net, or what she really wants. Or, how it all works. Or, how an angel factors into any of this, but she remembers Ben not being Ben. She remembers what he looked like in the mirror. Her friend's daughter. How Katie wasn't Katie... Maybe that was suppressed. She remembers.

"I remember," she does say as Dean, Cas, and Elena sidestep the couch. "I remember looking into the mirror and seeing that thing in place of my son. I remember him being hungry, clinging to my side, banging on the bathroom door. And I remember it going up in flames in front of me. And I remember Ben returning. Being okay. I'm not saying I believe everything. You made it so that I can't, didn't you. But, I remember that." )

[Rudy moves towards her, reaching for her hand as a sign of support, but doesn't say anything. He has his concerns, but this isn't his decision. This is going to come down to Ben and Lisa.

Ben's memories of his kidnapping are still a mess. He knows that he still wants all the information, no matter how terrible or traumatic. He wants all the answers. That's the only way he'll be able to make a decision for himself.]

I want them back.

[He wants to make a decision with all the information.

Castiel nods, before making his way closer, before glancing over to Lisa. "Do you as well?"]

( She takes a moment to meet Rudy's eyes. What he thinks matters, but she also knows that it's her decision. And Ben's. She doesn't tear up. She is resolute. She always has been. She is decisive.

Dean squeezes Elena's hand harder without meaning to, before letting go abruptly, throat suddenly dry.

Lisa's fingers leave Rudy's as she steps up next to her son. )

I don't want them, but I deserve them. And so does your son. Give them back.

[Castiel nods, before raising his hands to both their foreheads, before glancing to the two men behind them.]

You'll probably want to catch them.

[As his fingers make contact, he undoes the magic holding back their memories and releases them. Their eyes close, and the two of them slump backwards as things reset.

Rudy reaches forward and catches his wife before she can hit the floor. Ben also drops, and hopefully Dickerson is there to catch them.]

They should wake up in a little while, and they will have all their memories back.

[And with that, his role here is done so he's just gonna ... go.

Bye.

He's sure Dean will summon him later.]

( Dickerson steps up, wary of all of this (7) but he's good at reading emotions, at least. and everyone in this room believes what they're saying. the kidnapping was freaky enough thirdhand, so hearing about the details, and the 'immolation' he was told about like a dirty rumor, his mind is open enough to catch his best friend when he drops.

And then the angel just isn't there anymore. And Dickerson (2) almost drops Ben as he slips through his hands.

"Here," Dean says, coming around the coffee table to catch him. He indicates for Elena to pull it away so Dickerson and Dean can drop Ben on the couch, and hopefully Rudy, Lisa.

Once that is done, Dickerson just takes a few steps back. Dean adjusts the pillow behind Ben's head and Dick steps closer to Elena.

"He just..." )

[Elena does as indicated and nods a bit in agreement, because yeah.]

Yeah. Cas does that.

[It can be a lot to process though.]

They will be okay though, physically at least. There's going to be a lot to process, but it seems like they're both in good hands.

[They have a good support system, and that's what matters. She looks over at Dean with a small nod.]

We should go.

Really. You don't... want to be here when they wake up? I was going to offer a drink. Cause after that, I think we all need a drink. Come on.

( He says, waving a hand to follow him, maybe give Dean and the husband a little time? Even if you just want water, Elena.

Dean, satisfied Ben is okay, stays kneeled before pulling himself up. Finally, he faces Rudy.

"Thanks, for letting us in. Keeping an open mind, not throwing us out on our asses."

[Elena glances back over at Dean before nodding and following Dickerson into the kitchen to answer all of his questions. Unfortunately most of her experience is in terms of werewolves, vampires and witches so who knows how helpful she'll actually be.

Rudy glances up at Dean, considering his statement before shrugging.]

It wasn't about me.

[It was about Lisa and Ben. They were the ones steering this ship.]

You said you did this because they were in danger - will this put them in danger again?

[There wasn't a way that they weren't going to get their memories back. But Rudy wants to know what the risks are.]

( Dickerson goes in a supernatural phillistine, but she'll awaken a new side to him that will give Ben a good partner in crime if he wants to delve into this life further. He doesn't half-ass anything. )

Unless Ben and Lisa decide to pack it in and live the life of a hunter, they shouldn't be. My footprint's not as big as it once was and, let's just say, the world doesn't revolve around me, anymore. ( He doesn't feel like that satisfies, though. ) He's my kid. Whatever that means to him, or whatever he lets it mean or wants it to mean, I'll be all in. ( But, they can work on it or discuss it, or Dean can be kicked out.

And even though Rudy doesn't ask. ) I didn't know. About Ben. But, I do know now. And. It means something. ( A beat. He also knows he's out on a short limb, but. ) Who's the guy in the kitchen packing heat?

( He doesn't have the right, does he. But of course he noticed the carrier. Rudy is Lisa's husband. Him, though? )

Edited 2025-03-27 02:41 (UTC)

That's Dickerson. He's Ben's best friend.

[Rudy pauses as he considers, because he knows Ben's mental space. He knows what he was saying before he got his memories back and while he can't say he fully knows Ben enough to know how the boy that remembers is going to feel, he can say that there's a lot of hurt Dean will have to make up for.]

I appreciate that, Dean. I do. But even if we put the memory manipulation aside, you still left a kid who loved you and you didn't give him a chance for closure or to say goodbye. And even without remembering you in his life, Ben was already angry about how all this was shaking out. If I'm honest, I think you have a pretty steep uphill climb ahead of you before you get that trust back.

[He's not saying it's impossible. Nothing is impossible, if people are willing to put the work in. But it feels fair to warn him. Even with that warning, there's nothing in his tone that's admonishing or judgmental. Shame doesn't make people do better, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't say what they did wrong.]

( Best friend, okay.

As for the big speech. )

I've had steeper. ( But, he knows what he's up against. ) I'll take my licks. And I can stay away, be there if he needs me. When. ( He's not being subtle. But, he knows that in his life, it's always when. ) I'm not stupid. I know it changes nothing. But, at least he knows. At least... I know.

[There's a head tilt as he moves to perch on the arm of the couch. One that his long-term patients usually recognize as trouble coming (for them) but Rudy isn't one to shy away from the hard questions.]

It seems to have changed a lot for you. After all, it seems to be the thing that brought you back.

[He understands that blood ties matter, but because of that it doesn't really seem like Dean is doing this out of the goodness of his heart.]

Since things seem to have shifted for you now, would there ever have been a time that you gave them their memories back simply because they belong to them and they should have them?

( He means for Ben, but, shit, is he being shrank? He uncomfortably looks away, kicks at a part of the carpet that came up from moving the table. He moves the table back, sighs, stands, and faces Rudy again. )

Without them coming to me, no. But, I don't just invite people into my world. It's been twenty years and my life never got less complicated. I've died. My brother's died. The world's nearly ended. Back of my mind, I hoped Lisa and Ben led good lives. But, Lisa always said he wasn't mine. And maybe that makes me an ass that he is and I'm here. But, if he had found everything and reached out. Blood or no blood, I'd be right here, Rudy.

( Saying nearly the same thing. Nearly. )

[Rudy nods slowly, because he does believe him. But he picks up on that interesting note that Elena side stepped earlier.]

We haven't known each other very long. But if you want to be part of Ben's life, then we're going to have to get used to each other, and ... I hear what you're saying, Dean. That you did this to protect them. And maybe, I do think there is some of that.

[But he can't help but dig a little bit deeper.]

But there are ways you could have done that without erasing your existence from their minds. You could have just said your goodbyes and walked away and Ben would have been upset, but he would have dealt with it. Plus taking away the knowledge of the danger is a questionable means of keeping them safe.

[The logic isn't quite there for him, were it not for one other thing.]

To me, choosing to erase yourself could mean two things: one, you don't care enough about them to be remembered, and wanted to get away without having to manage their feelings or be bothered by them again. But that doesn't ring quite true because Ben makes one phone call and you're here the next day. So that leaves the second option.

[He pauses before looking back at him again.]

That you see yourself as more of an imposition in their lives than actually a part of it, and you felt that you were relieving them of a burden.

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